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Think better. Feel better. Do better.
READY. SET. GO.   So, you say you’re ready to manifest your dreams into reality. What’s stopping you, then? Does any of this ring a bell? - You’re ready to make things happen but you don’t really think you can? - You’re ready to succeed, but you feel hopeless because you have no support? - You’re ready but…we could keep going. Ok. Look. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. We all want to succeed. But, the journey is often painful, lonely, and exhausting. I especially feel a lot of compassion for people who allow their dreams to die because they think they NEED people close to them to back them up and they get overwhelmed at the thought of having to accomplish big goals all alone. I get it. Humans are social. Most people enjoy the thought of having a tribe or support group to back them up. The Truth is, that kind of support you’re looking for is not always available. The Truth is, the truth is, even if it's available it might not come with the level of intensity or interest you think it should. The Truth is, you must learn how to make things happen. ALONE. The Truth is, you must learn to reach outside your circle for the extra help you will need along the way. The Truth is, it's your life - not theirs. It’s a beautiful thing to have people behind you pushing you forward. It’s great to know you have a crew of folks who are always in your corner, who are available to help you manage your anxieties as you work to create the things that are on your heart to do. Unfortunately, it's not a reasonable expectation that people in your life will be there for you - at least, not in the way you will always need it. That is something you must learn to give to yourself! Apart from the fact that everybody has their own goals they have a responsibility to focus on, as exhausted as you feel is as exhausted as they feel with what's on their plate. In large part, most people have little emotional space left to dish out to someone else. Additionally, it’s not uncommon to encounter loved ones and acquaintances who seem to almost sneakily not want you to succeed. HATERS. Why do loved ones sometimes seem less than enthusiastic about your success? What must you do when that happens? Ok. Firstly, even Jesus said:
Mark 6:4 THE POINT OF HATING. It might feel to you as if folks are trying to "hate" on you, sometimes. As strange as it sounds, that sometimes comes from a place of love. Except that it's a confused, fear-based way of loving. Think about it. The people who have known you forever have the scoop on you from the inside out. They have a microscope on your weak spots. They’ve seen you at your highest highs and lowest lows. You probably spent many hours together commiserating on your misfortunes, your dreams, desires, and wishes. When you begin to do anything different, you are asking the people around you by extension to change. You’re asking them to see you in a new way. You’re asking them to risk losing you to the new person and the new life you are creating! You’re asking them to take the risk that you will leave them as you go off on your adventures.  The unconscious purpose of a supposedly well-intentioned, sideways question like: “Why are you doing this?” or, “Are you SURE you want to do that?” is often based on your loved one’s anxieties about the potential changes that will come with your new moves. The point of the hating is to let you doubt yourself enough, to dissuade you from shifting. It is often designed to make you question yourself enough that you will abandon your strange ideas and keep the status quo. You will not rock the boat. As much as people want you to do well and the loving part wants you to be and do your best; their brain knows it's going to have to put in the extra effort to look at you in a different way. THE BRAIN IS LAZY. Actually, the brain is always trying to put things on automatic pilot so it can do things faster. For efficiency sake, it likes familiarity. It likes predictability. The brain likes things to be easily categorized so that it knows (quickly) so that in times of stress, it knows if it should push you to turn around and escape (flight), pop someone in the jaw (fight), or play possum and wait for the drama to blow over (freeze). These are natural processes in response to change and stress. So, it is important to know that while hose who know you best can be your strongest support, sometimes, they can try to hold you back! Intentionally sometimes. But, often, unconsciously so. YOU MUST LOOK OUT. My strong advice is to resist your urge to take people’s objections to your ideas or your dreams as if it's the end all or be all. Sure, it's great to get other people's advice. But, it’s not their job to see your vision. It’s yours! If they can't see what you see in your mind, it doesn't mean you should give up. All it suggests is that this is the perspective from which they can see what you see. Again, because the brain is so quick in the way it reacts, few of us can help our initial, instinctive responses. Other people's seeming resistance to the changes that come as your thoughts or your actions change as you move forward on your success trip is likely to be more about what stage they are in as they become attuned to your changes. Initially, the weirdness you (and they) feel as you attempt to maintain the status quo will be replaced by a new normal. That's if they really love you. Some people will fall off your radar because having to change their concept of you will feel too painful or seem like too much work. It's all good. Everybody will be all right. WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR AS YOU MOVE FORWARD LOSS OF ENERGY & DECREASED MOTIVATION This might be your FLIGHT response to change kicking in. You can choose to tuck your tail between your legs, surrender your dreams and go on trying to live other people's thoughts about what your life should look like. You have every right to stop dead in your tracks if you wish. Or you can compassionately and realistically see what is happening as something to be expected. Not something unusual or scary. That means, you must keep your eyes on your own prize and keep moving forward! SUBTLE HINTS OF DOOM & GLOOM FROM LOVED ONES
QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LACK OF EXPERIENCE
GUILT TRIPS
WHY YOU SHOULD PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE. As you Listen to all the questions and doubts coming at you, have a heart. 1. Accept that you might feel the same way if the situation was reversed. 2. Accept that not everyone will be on board with your progress. 3. Accept that not everybody will see your vision. 4. Accept that you don't need them to be willing or excited about your goals 5. Accept that it might be your job during this time to be patient. 5. Accept that maybe you are bragging a little. And stop it. Above all, if you find that you are procrastinating and delaying your plans because you’re anxious or afraid of how other’s will respond to your new ideas and actions, SNAP OUT OF IT! 5 BRAIN HACKS TO BEAT SUCCESS BLOCKS 1. BREATHE! When we feel anxious or afraid – a common emotion when we feel alone or challenged, the breath becomes short, shallow, erratic. In response, the brain makes a calculation about how to respond to the perceived threat. Know this. Your brain automatically interprets your heart-rate variability as a threat. So, purposely breathe correctly! By correctly, I mean, intentionally slow down and elongate the breath. Take in as much oxygen as you can all the way into your diaphragm. Think about your breath as if it were a remote control for your brain. Your automatic physiological response will be a decreased heart rate. In turn, your brain reads this reduced heart rate as a reason to release its grip on your neocortex (area in the brain responsible for your common sense, judgment) and decrease your feeling brain’s instinctive attempt to prepare to flee, fight, or roll over and play dead.  2. Distract Your Brain with Physical Movement. For example, in the grip of fear or anxiety, if you’re sitting, get up and walk around. If you’re somewhere that possible, do ten quick pushups. Or ten jumping jacks. Yell. Jump. Punch a bag or pillow. Moving your body has the effect of somatically expelling the emotion. Additionally, the physical movement will distract your brain by giving it an equally or more compelling task. As such, if you’re moving vigorously, your brain will become less likely to focus on your feelings or weird panicky thoughts.  3. Practice Gratitude. Identify and list out loud or write out three things for which you’re grateful. Even about the person, place, or thing that is triggering your stress response. Whatever you focus on or give your attention to becomes bigger and more significant in your eyes. Directing attention to Gratitude is proven to be a powerful tool for transforming or transmuting fear/anxiety/frustration. 4. Practice Mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn, is the author of the best-selling book on Mindfulness called, Wherever You Go, There You Are. In this video he uses the power of Mindfulness in helping us stay in the here and now. He also does a short meditation using the Body Scan technique to help you pay close attention to how you are feeling in the present moment. Mindful awareness (focusing on here and now) helps us avoid the trap of sadness that comes when we think about the things that have already happened and the anxiety that comes when think about what is yet to come. In addition to paying attention to how you use your breath (e.g., as you inhale, focus on the very act of breathing in, experience fully how your physical sensations as you breathe out, noticing the gap or space between your in-breath and your out-breath or exhalation). It is helpful to use all your five senses to be aware of the present moment. For example, right now, this very second, become aware of what you are feeling in the physical sense. Are you comfortable? In discomfort? Does your tummy hurt? Does your heart feel heavy? Is your throat tight? Can you connect to your emotions? Perhaps you can describe where in your body you feel your emotions. Maybe you can even describe how that feels in your body. There is a part of each of us that is the observer. There is a part of you that always notices you are thinking; It notices how you are feeling; It notices what you are doing. Many people call that part, the Higher Self or the Wise Self or your Spirit Man because it always knows and can always see beyond and through all the B.S of our existence on the planet. It is the part that always knows what’s in our best interest and always wants our highest good– even as we are acting in ways (based on the ego and personality self that suggest the opposite. Practice engaging and connecting to that part of yourself - OFTEN. Use that part of yourself to notice what is happening in and around your physical self. Practice simply describing your emotion/s. Observe yourself without judgment. Allow your body to experience your current reality - even if that feels painful and physically unbearable. Your Higher Self can always bear whatever is occurring to your physical or personality self. From a practical standpoint, you can intentionally increase your positive self-talk perhaps by reminding yourself that feelings are like clouds. They pass. They always pass. Why? Well, remember - NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. As the elders say, “This too shall pass.”  5. LISTEN TO OR READ UPLIFTING WORDS OR MUSIC Sometimes, it’s challenging to muster up the energy to do any of these earlier tasks without some external input. This is when you find something inspirational to listen to. It could be music, a video, a Podcast, a meditation recording. Anything you already know that helps you feel good. All you’ve got to do is press play. Put your headphones on if you’re not where you can put your speakers up. Let someone else pour something inspiring into you. At first, you don’t have to do much at all. You don’t even have to concentrate on listening or paying attention. Just let the power and energy of the words fill your space. Before long, your mood will shift in the positive direction. Effortless! Try it today and see what happens. Check out this list by Abby Vancisin of 3 excellent motivational Podcasts at www.theglitterguide.com 1. Let's Discuss Podcast by Ella Gregory & Monica Beatrice Welburnhttps://www.letsdiscusspodcast.com/ 2. The Goal Digger Podcast by Jenna Kutcher podcast.jennakutcher.com/ 3. The Life Coach School by Brooke Castillo www.thelifecoachschool.com When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Appears
2 Comments
11/13/2019 05:40:16 am
The journey for success is long and definitely not easy; that's why we should never give up just like that. We have our own definition of success; it is a personal thing for all of us that's why we always need to remind ourselves why we are doing what we do. I know that it's going to take a lot of process before you achieve something in life, but it all lies on your own determination. No matter how long it should take, you should always remind yourself that success wouldn't be easy, but sure thing it will always be worth it. 6/12/2021 10:22:13 am
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AuthorDr. Triphinia “Triphi” Margaret Wallace is a Licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Reiki Level III practitioner in the Usui tradition. After over twenty-two years in clinical practice, Dr. Wallace has developed a neuro-psycho-spiritual approach to her practice that is grounded in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Neuroscience, Creole Psychology, and Psycho-spiritual techniques such as Hypnotherapy, Mindfulness/Meditation, and Reiki. Dr. Triphi graduated from Fielding Graduate University in Santa Barbara, California and the University of Mississippi (Ole Miss). Her published academic works include a doctoral dissertation on the association among problem-solving appraisal, hopelessness, and suicide among low-income, African American women, and co-authored peer-reviewed articles on the relation between alcohol use and intimate partner violence, and the utilization of routine health screenings in the diagnosis of depression among African American adolescent males. Dr. Triphi published her first book, Do It NOW! A 7-Step Plan to Beat Bad Habits that Block Success in February 2018. In November of 2018, her second book; a companion workbook/journal called, Do It NOW Workbook/Journal: Powerful Exercises to Fix Bad Habits that Block Success, was released. Dr. Triphi regularly volunteers with the Red Cross conducting pre- and post-deployment reconnection and resiliency workshops with active, disabled, and retired military service members and their families. Most who know her describe Dr. Triphi as an empathetic practitioner, and an engaging presenter with a ready smile who receives rave reviews from those who listen to her teach. Archives
March 2021
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