 Ladies, I believe we've been conned into thinking that in order to be successful or happy, we must we must live, love, and work just like men. After a painful divorce at 33 left me alone with two children under the age of 6, I completed my doctorate in clinical psychology and built two businesses. But, I suffered for it. The way I did it made my body sick. As for love, it took me years of anxiety, depression, incoherent dating, confusing pseudo-relationships, and working like a beast of burden before the Universe took mercy on me and led me to the amazing SECRETS to make love, money, and abundance - from my feminine energy. It changed my life - body, mind and soul - so much so that I wrote an entire course on it! Once I figured out how to work from my FLOW vs my HUSTLE energy, my business exploded! I learned how to listen to my body and take breaks from the stresses of life and business. I learned how to use my feelings as a guide for when to say NO! I learned how and when to buckle up, turn on my Warrior Woman magic and lean into my honey badger spirit. And most of all, I learned how to practice the art of patience and release my attachment to the outcome - after I had done the work. That is why now, I offer these life-changing resources to help you stop the pain, confusion, and frustration of wasting your time, energy, and your faith doing relationships, your life, and your work - WRONG.  SECRET #1 *Creativity* The Divine Feminine is the creative force that bears fruit and brings thoughts, ideas, and matter to life. The best place to see this in action is in Nature. Notice how the female body receives a tiny sperm, holds it and nurtures it for approximately nine months, and turns around and offers life to pounds of conscious beautiful baby sweetness with a capacity to live up to and beyond three score and ten years! My own mom birthed ten babies - one of whom weighed in at 11 pounds! I have learned to use creative visualization and meditation to see myself experiencing the life I am creating in the present as if it has already happened and I am already living in the future and experiencing the realities I desire. I cannot begin to describe how much this creative tool helped me in the early years of growing my business to move through heavy and painful emotions like fear and anxiety as I lived with and moved through the day to day frustrations and worries that come with growing any business. The feminine secret of creativity is beyond words, logic, or complete understanding. This is just a tiny part of what makes your divine feminine so magnetic and irresistible. I invite you to explore these enchanting natural qualities of yours with curiosity and vulnerability and wonder. Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating abundant love, money, healing, and success from their feminine superpowers! Click BELOW to get the secrets Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/  SECRET #2 * The Warrior Spirit* The Warrior Spirit is a subtle, steady spark that becomes illuminated when we need to protect and defend ourselves & ours. Once, when my business was at its lowest point and I was at my weakest physically (I had just been diagnosed with cancer), understanding how limited my choices were at the time, I chose to collaborate with a group that helped me take a break from doing the more painful parts of the business and to focus on my health. But, it was from that same feminine energy that I had to draw strength when the relationship started feeling too painful for me. The Divine Feminine Energy is prone to constant struggle & overcoming, as it seeks perpetual evolution. It guides us to eliminate what does not work and magnetize more of what does work in order to increase what feels good and is in our highest and best interest. Essentially, feminine energy learns how to say NO to what hurts and acquiesce, give in, or say yes to beauty, satisfaction, security, and comfort. Opportunities to tap into our feminine show up in the form of flowing with, impacting, and encouraging change within our families, relationships, careers, motherhood, or even health. To work with this energy of the Warrior Woman, we must accept our strength and learn how to best use it. Most importantly, we must learn to identify the lesson in each experience by using our feelings as a barometer- even as we manage these same emotions - which are often so heavy - mindfully & with grace. We must allow ourselves to be present to what we are experiencing (eg. Feel your fear but DO what must be done anyway) even as we are learning and expanding because of the discomfort. As a result, we become better, stronger, wiser. Ready to Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers? Click BELOW to get the secrets Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here https://www.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/  SECRET #3 * A Deep Sense of Justice, Balance, & Morality* The Divine Feminine has a strong sense of justice, balance, & morality. It’s always trying to look beyond to assess and SEE the truth behind what seems to be presenting (that’s why they say we are like natural FBI agents!) In Today’s world- at school, at work, even at play - we’ve been highly conditioned to give in to power even when it goes against our conscience. Quite recently, my business was (in my opinion), incorrectly and unfairly dinged as part of a routine survey or audit of services by one of our major stakeholders. The logic offered felt so unfair and so unjust, I found myself doing something I rarely do - make a big deal! The outcome of my putting in the energy to express my strong confusion and disagreement as respectfully as I knew how, yielded an unexpected but highly positive result. In addition to restoring my business' credibility, the experience reminded me that it is my right to say NO if something feels wrong or if it seems unfair or out of balance. As the Divine Feminine, trust your sense of justice and rightness. If it’s illegal, immoral or unethical to you - you have every right to speak up and SAY NO! Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers! 👉🏻👉👉🏿👉🏽 Click BELOW to get the secrets Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here https://www.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/  SECRET #4 *Passivity, Patience, Vulnerability* Passivity is defined as acceptance of what happens, without active response or clear effort to resist. The discipline of conscious passivity (my term) demands the virtue of patience and a stance of openness and vulnerability. I say "conscious passivity" because I want to know what I'm doing and I want to know why I'm doing the thing I'm doing. I grew up on the Caribbean island of Dominica - an island of 70000 people in the middle of the Caribbean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. At one time this tiny 289.9 square mile drop in the ocean boasted more centenarians than every other country except for one in the western hemisphere. One of the sayings of my people of Dominica is that being in a big hurry does not make the food on the stovetop cook any faster. Over the course of 17 years in business, I have learned to wait. I have learned to wait and be happy in the waiting. I have learned to wait and distract myself with positive action. I have graduated to being able to wait with ease and joy. To manifest a desired outcome without yelling, screaming or fighting about it is the Divine Feminine at work. To wait for your goals to manifest require The Divine Feminine works at the sub-conscious level and does not have to become violent or aggressive to manifest its desires. This subtle creative passively resistant approach can sometimes be mislabeled as “being manipulative" or "difficult" or "lazy" by those who misunderstand. For those who are willing to learn the art of waiting without losing a hair and keeping your lipstick on - it's a weapon like no other. Ready to Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers? Click here to get the secrets 👉🏻👉👉🏿👉🏽 Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here https://www.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/  SECRET #5 *Strong Awareness of Thoughts and Feelings* I like to say that Feminine Energy is Feelings Based. This sensitivity to change is a a powerful gift in that it allows the feminine quick access to emotions and quick awareness of shifts in ones emotional state and that of others in their orbit. Emotions are generated as responses to cues and signals in our environment - they arise in response to internal and external information. This is a superpower for the one who learns how to use their emotions as a signal or call to take action - or not. Many of us have been educated to aspire towards the logic of the left brain and to revere our masculine energy traits that laud common sense and facts. Schools teach us to be linear in our thinking. We are trained as professionals to ground our work in evidence based structures. All of this is important and necessary. But, I venture to say that most of you reading this have also felt your stomach drop and knew instantly that something was off. Or you've felt your throat tighten at a certain tone although the person saying those words was smiling right at you and looking at you in the middle of your eyes. You have felt "that thing" in your body that was uncomfortable, out of sync, out of the norm (even before you found the evidence to explain the source). While, as a wise woman I encourage you to wait for evidence, I suggest you also give yourself permission to pay attention to your feelings. Perhaps your body is suggesting you wait for now - even if you don't yet know just why. Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers! Click BELOW to get the secrets👉🏻👉👉🏿👉🏽 Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here - https://www.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/  SECRET #6 *Flexibility* As women, we play so many roles - Wife, mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, secretary, mentor, sister-in-law, dancer, entrepreneur, or elder… not to mention the less appreciated roles like baby mama, side chick, work wife, workplace hottie, nanny, maid, mistress. When I started my first business, I was 34, managing a separation and divorce, raising two children under 6, and feeling completely overwhelmed as a brand new doctoral student - in a country where my closest relative was hundreds, ummm, thousands of miles away. I confess it was often quite painful. There were some long days - I DO mean long 24 hour days when my kids would wake up the next day at dawn to find me still at my computer. As the creative, flexible energy, we shape-shift to fit the needs of each circumstance. Modern women seem to have even more roles to play, as the ‘single mom’. So many of us have to play the mother and father for our children. We hunt, provide, protect, give birth, cultivate, nurture, and heal. We’ve perfected the art of twisting ourselves into pretzels being everything for everyone around us. Give us lemons and we will make lemonade. Dead flowers become lovely bouquets. Trauma gets transmuted into passion purpose and power. Find a fabulous therapist, yes! But, by all means, like Chaka Khan, I too, must encourage you to accept and honor your flexibility and to mindfully try to be present to every role you must play. Indeed you are, “EVERY WOMAN!” AND THAT IS QUITE ALL RIGHT, SOMETIMES. Ready to Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers? Click BELOW to get the secrets Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/  I'm SECRET #7 *Feminine Energy Must FEEL GOOD FIRST*The tendency for self-sacrifice is strongly attached to the feminine, particularly when connected to the mother archetype- the maternal role. I'm still trying to figure out if that's been self-imposed or primarily other-imposed. I do agree that most mothers would fight a child to protect her children so they might survive another day; sacrifice is natural for the feminine. I was raised by my mom, my role model, my "every woman," who often put mine and my siblings needs before her own! And she always had dinner ready. And she always knew how to make a dime from her own hands. And she always seemed to be available to all of her ten children. After raising my two children, my respect for my mother, Josephine, is boundless! But! AND THIS IS A HUGE BUT... We have a responsibility to guard ourselves from getting trapped on the illusory side of sacrifice, thinking we will be loved more, that we will be paid in kind, or that we will attract greater things through sacrifice, self denial, and the numbing of our emotions that often accompany doing too much and trying to be all things to everybody. In truth, the stoic nature of sacrifice is actually more usually linked to the divine masculine energy traits of protecting, preserving, and providing for. I believe that unless you’re caring for a child (and I do mean a young pre-pubescent child) an animal, a disabled, or elderly person, feminine energy people must learn how to FEEL GOOD FIRST (before throwing themselves willy nilly - I mean, without doing a cost-benefit analysis - on the altar of self sacrifice). Yes, it is laudable and virtuous to be kind. Yes it is laudable and virtuous to be charitable and to help others. Yes, it is laudable and virtuous to give your time or money, and receive thanks (or not). Yes! Yes! Yes! Everybody likes it when you say, YES to them. The key is to learn how and when to say YES to what feels good and NO to what feels painful - to know when enough is enough. To know when it's time to surrender. To know when it's time to let go. To know when it's time to take your backside to bed, my goodness. The key is to know how to create, maintain & restore BALANCE. Without proper understanding of how to care for yourself while caring for others, we are prone to overdoing, burnout, disappointment, frustration, depression, desperation, and a general sense of martyrdom when we give too much for too little or when we figuratively throw our pearls before swine expecting thanks or adoration that is not always forthcoming. Some of the protective skills to learn in this regard are the following: honor your feelings, learn your limits, express your preferences, set appropriate boundaries, and assertively make requests for change that support your highest good. Abundance is your divine right. Let's make it happen together. Embrace Your Divine Femininity and join our group of strong, smart, sassy, sexy, spiritual, success-oriented ladies creating love, money, healing and success from their feminine superpowers! 👉🏻👉👉🏿👉🏽 Click BELOW to get the secrets Join Divine Feminine Global Network Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/divinefemininesecrets/ Join Trauma Transformers Tribe Here - https://web.facebook.com/groups/264870178095339/
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 WHAT IS PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA? A quick search online search using bing.com offers this definition of psychological trauma: trau·ma [ˈtroumə, ˈtrômə] NOUN
synonyms: torment · agony · suffering · pain · anguish · misery · distress · heartbreak · [more]
shock · upheaval · distress · stress · strain · pain · anguish · suffering · [more]  STRESS If you’re alive, you will experience stress. Some stressors actually feel good; you get married, change jobs, or move to a different city you’ve been dreaming about your entire life. Trauma involves stress, but it is different concept. Trauma usually involves “BAD STRESS.” Ten people might experience the same event. But, because we are unique and different, only some might come out of that occurrence describing or feeling it to be a traumatic event. Such life events take us longer than usual to return to functional baseline. Some traumatic events are based on what you might experience personally, what you witness occurring to someone else, or even what you hear about or see happening on television. The fallout from traumatic events can be life changing – and often not in a good way!   PTSD Sometimes, experiencing a highly stressful event triggers distress in the body long after the event has transpired. What that means in real life is that it takes you much longer than is typical to return to feeling like your “best self.” DIAGNOSING PTSD Mental health professionals use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to officially diagnose psychiatric disorders. The manual is now in its fifth iteration and is often referred to as the DSM-5. For any cluster of symptoms to get labeled as a clinical diagnosis, it must rise to the level of certain criteria that include categories, duration, and intensity of symptoms one is experiencing at any given time.  PTSD is the acronym for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. A Department of Homeland Security Disaster Psychology certification program includes this slide of the main aspects of PTSD according to the DSM-5.  HISTORY OF PTSD Nowadays, it seems as we are much more comfortable talking about PTSD; but it was not always this way. Even psychologists were not always comfortable diagnosing clients with PTSD. Some trauma experts like Harvard Associate Professor, and author of the classic book on trauma, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, note that it probably took the devastating impact of the Vietnam War on our vets for many in the US to begin to seriously pay attention to the terrible impact of high stress events on the human psyche.  Watch this YouTube video to see Dr. Van der Kolk discuss symptoms of PTSD here. https://youtu.be/szvCMwl_d-E  THE POLITICS OF PTSD I remember being cautioned early in my clinical training to “be careful” diagnosing clients with PTSD. We were warned to “look out” for clients “claiming” to be experiencing PTSD-type symptoms because it was possible that they were feigning illness (i.e., clients with ulterior motives exaggerating symptoms looking for sympathy, money from the government, or attempting to get out of work). Unfortunately, many people's suffering was compounded by their difficulty explaining what they were physically experiencing in the body. I have a sneaking suspicion that in response to their PTSD complaints, many people have heard, “It’s ALL in your MIND!” To top it off, many insurance companies looked askance at claims with PTSD as primary diagnosis. Money talks…you know the rest.   Thankfully, the climate is changing. Culturally, and medically, it has become much more acceptable to discuss our struggles after enduring difficult circumstances. Perhaps this in part because we have seen up close and personal so many of our military service members return home and suffer intensely after exposure to stressful events. Technological advances in brain imaging perhaps have contributed to our changing attitudes in that they allow us to see BETTER into how the brain changes after exposure to events that we perceived to be highly stressful.  COMPLEX PTSD Most stressful events are time-limited, single, one-off occurrences. For example, you might become the victim of a robbery or you might witness a murder. However, practitioners have long observed that many people suffer complicated recovery following exposure to prolonged and repeated traumatic events like childhood abuse, exposure to violence in the home, and early losses in life.   The cry among those with direct contact with clients suffering from long-standing trauma-related mental health challenges is that Complex PTSD should be a reimbursable clinical diagnosis. Efforts were made to include it in the last version of the DSM-5. Unfortunately,C-PTSD was not included.  This chart gives an idea of how COMPLEX PTSD often presents in clients' lives. BACK TO THE ORIGINAL QUESTION: CAN HYPNOTHERAPY HELP WITH TRAUMA RECOVERY? The answer is YES! Let me show you how and why. MY HPYNOTHERAPY JOURNEY I became a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist 20 years ago (1999). I was trained in heart-centered hypnotherapy by Diane Zimberoff, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) and David Hartman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) at the Wellness Institute in Issaquah, Washington.  Diane Zimberoff and David Hartman Founders: The Wellness Institute Issaquah Washington A significant part of the training to become a heart centered hypnotherapist requires that the therapist address their own issues and heal their own traumas. Well, let me tell you…(eyebrows lifted)  PSYCHOLOGISTS ARE PEOPLE TOO!
HYPNOTHERAPY IN PRACTICE Since my initial hypnotherapy training and certification in 1999, I have found hypnotherapy to be one of the most powerful treatments for a host of difficulties. Specifically, I have had much success using hypnotherapy as a treatment for patients desperate to “get back to who I used to be,” as they recovered from trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD. I know we often say that big men don't cry. NOT TRUE! But, I have watched grown men sob as they allowed themselves to become vulnerable, yet safe enough in the hypnotherapy setting to revisit traumatic events that had kept them psychologically imprisoned their whole lives. By the time they came to me, they were broken men locked in the pain of addiction, broken relationships, and psychic pain that within an hour we were able to get to the source of their suffering. More often than not, their current struggles were connected to early traumatic events. Many left the hypnotherapy process feeling free, strong, and rejuvenated to create the lives they had always envisioned for themselves. HOW DOES HYPNOTHERAPY WORK? Sorry to disappoint you. But! HYPNOTHERAPY IS NOT ABOUT GETTING YOU TO DANCE LIKE ELVIS OR CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN!  ROOTS OF HYPNOTHERAPY As far back as the beginning of psychology, early theorists like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung used hypnosis to access information that was thought to be “hidden from the conscious mind.” Think of the conscious mind as your everyday busy mind full of thoughts that rule your day.  Another way to think about it is that using relaxation, you allow yourself to set aside the “thinking mind” and access your right-thinking “wise mind” and the quiet focus that facilitates more intense psychological work. Marsha Linehan is credited with creating Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT now recognized by many psychologists as a very effective therapy to help with emotional regulation problems (high anxiety, chronic depression, self-harming behaviors, suicidal thoughts and attempts) – one of the many ways that trauma manifests itself negatively in the brain and body.
The Wise Mind worksheet below is a good aid to help you practice using your "wise mind."   HEART CENTERED HYPNOTHERAPY Heart-centered hypnotherapy as taught by the Wellness Institute uses an amalgamation of strategies that include relaxation, visualization, spiritual and psychological grounding and anchoring, body awareness, cognitive reframing, and inner-child healing work.  WHY DOES HYPNOTHERAPY HELP A TRAUMATIZED BRAIN? Neurologically, when the brain feels threatened it activates the stress response (flight, fright, fight, freeze). These coping strategies are not predictably effective. In fact, sometimes they lead to negative consequences for us. Physically running away from a thief chasing you is potentially life-saving. Drinking bottles of Robitussin, overworking, engaging in life threatening behaviors to escape your emotional pain - NOT SO MUCH!  TRAUMA AND THE BRAIN Some parts of the brain involved in our stress response include the amygdala, hippocampus, thalamus, and pre-frontal cortex or frontal lobe.
Highly stressful events can send us into a state of intense emotions (e.g. fear, terror, irritability - amygdala). Again, the level to which we do that varies by person for many different reasons. 
  WHY RELAXATION IS GOOD FOR YOU! The brain depends on the variability of the heart rate to generate a commensurate response. A STABLE heart rate tells signals the brain that there is NO reason for a flight, fright, fight, or freeze response. THAT IS ONE OF THE REASONS THAT DEEP RELAXATION GENERATED DURING HYPNOTHERAPY IS SO POWERFUL IN RETRAINING THE BRAIN TO CORRECT ITS RESPONSE TO TRAUMATIC EVENTS. I discuss hypnotherapy and other brain-training techniques more thoroughly in my book, Do It NOW! CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO GET YOUR COPY https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B079SWMRRW&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_vg.9Cb432N1YB  A workbook/journal accompanies the book to help you practice more cognitive restricting strategies. Click the link below to get your copy! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1728704154/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_0l.9CbTA43ED0.  HYPNOTHERAPY WORKS! Hypnotherapy WORKS! because with sufficient relaxation, you become able to decrease the stress response (flight, fright, fight, freeze) and access the parts of the brain connected to common sense and rational thinking. Your “monkey-mind” or chattering brain that is always busy with a running commentary slows down. You become quiet, focused, and improve your ability to deeply concentrate -with less chance of being disturbed by everyday thoughts and distractions. You CAN THINK clearer!  HYPNOTHERAPY AND SUGGESTIBILITY Another powerful benefit of hypnotherapy is that once you are in a deeply relaxed state, you are more suggestible – IT’S EASIER FOR YOU TO BELIEVE YOUR NEW DECISIONS WILL WORK. Cognitively reframing past, painful events or making new, positive decisions about how you choose to live your life moving forward are much more likely to take hold when you are relaxed and in a theta state. HYPNOTHERAPY AS AN ALTERED STATE OF AWARENESS The brain goes through varying levels of awareness as we move between fully awake and deeply asleep states. Hypnotherapy is commonly conducted when you are in the theta state of awareness. You can say that the brain is “altered” during hypnotherapy. I like to say that intentionally relaxing the brain to a theta state is really a natural state.  CLINICAL APPLICATIONS OF HYPNOTHERAPY  Hypnotherapy can be used to treat MANY problems. It has been used for many years to help patients reduce anxiety, stop smoking, lose weight, manage pain, and recover from emotional and psychological challenges.  EFFICACY OF HYPNOTHERAPY The hypnotherapy process (in contrast to talk therapy that I also utilize with a modality like Cognitive Behavior Therapy) works fast! We are ALL unique and different. But… Most of my clients on average by the end of 5 sessions are able to:
So, to answer the question: Can HYPNOTHERAPY help with trauma recovery? Again, my answer is a resounding YES! HYPNOTHERAPY IS A POWERFUL THERAPEUTIC TOOL! And YES! Yes! YES! HYPNOTHERAPY WORKS FOR MOST PEOPLE!  CAN YOU DO HYPNOTHERAPY ONLINE? COVID-19 and lock down considerations forced many practitioners to think outside the box. I've been doing sessions online since the quarantine began and my clients have found them to be very helpful - as long as we have a good connection and the maintenance man is not too close. It is important to consider some safety issues, though. For example, patients be strongly given permission to stop sessions, connect to their best emergency supports in the event of a crisis. Sometimes, I’ve had patients suffer what practitioners call an “abreaction” where they experience significant emotional difficulty. ab·re·ac·tion [ˌabrēˈakSHən] NOUN psychoanalysis
Two scenarios come to my mind as I think about this:
I’m not convinced yet that online is the safest way to experience hypnotherapy. The subconscious has a way of taking us exactly where we need to go to get our healing. Some people access memories from which they had previously dissociated. My view is that there would have to be supports in place in the event the client has a reaction that is too much for them to manage alone.  COST OF HYPNOTHERAPY Most insurance companies DO NOT pay for hypnotherapy services – but some do. For the most part, hypnotherapy services are more expensive that traditional psychotherapy. However, my sincere opinion is that it is a faster way to heal and is worth the investment. Typical costs of Hypnotherapy according to https://health.costhelper.com/hypnosis.html:
AGAIN, HYPNOTHERAPY OFTEN COSTS MORE THAN TRADITIONAL PSYCHOTHERAPY. BUT LOOKING AT THE RESULTS BELOW IS IT TIME YOU CALLED A HYPNOTHERAPIST?  Procrastination is a mental monster that can get the best of us. For many, it’s born out of feelings of anxiety, distorted thoughts about our abilities, and sometimes pure laziness. Whatever your goal, whatever your intention, and whatever area of your life you want to improve, you can choose to apply strategies to help you beat mental obstacles to accomplish the things you dream about in secret. Here are 5 QUICK Ways to Beat Procrastination & Accomplish Your Goals with Ease!  1. Start Now. Ok. I admit. This is kind of cliché. But things become cliches for a reason, right? The thing is - there’s no way around this. Even if it’s a small step, take it! For example, if you intend to get in shape and you’re daunted by even the thought of going to the gym. Today – take ONE small action. Do ten pushups. Or take a 5-minute walk around the neighborhood. Or go to the gym and just hang out in the sauna for 10 minutes.  In physics class, we learn of the kinetic force called inertia. If you don’t use something [an object, a skill, a tool, a machine] it develops rust. It stops working properly. It loses its functionality. If it’s a skill, your brain begins to forget. Use it or lose it! It’s as if the less you do, the less you want to do. Your brain will get that way if you fail to keep it focused, directed and occupied. To fight against inertia, I suggest you do one of three things – or a combination.
 Some people need to shock their system, others need to ease into things. Others need both. Of course, it’s uncomfortable, but the brain needs a certain level of stress to change. Movement is necessary. THINK ABOUT IT!  That old machine that was out of commission in the back of the garage or out in the shed is squeaky, loud, crickety, and obnoxious when you start using it again. When you buy new shoes, as much as you like them, it might take a while for you to love them because it takes time to break them in. Similarly, whenever you start doing something new, as excited as you might be, know that you will also feel anxious and frustrated because you’ll be fumbling around, making random mistakes, and definitely feeling some level of discomfort. But, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.  Knowing what to look out for is half the battle. Remind yourself that your brain needs that pain and anxiety to shift and change – for the better. Gradually you’ll establish a flow and get into a rhythm. Before you know it, you’ll be in the middle of doing something amazing!  2. Pace Yourself. The best runners use a pacer to help them stay on point. Even super-athletes use pace-setters to help them stay on target. A pace-setter also helps a champion athlete manage their emotions and the understandable urge to speed up too. By so doing, the pace-setter helps the athlete avoid burnout and effectively manage their resources before they reach the finish line. I read this amazing statistic recently that men who had used a therapist the previous year, increased their earnings by at least 13% to subsequent year. Female clients increased their income by at least 8%. What does this mean for you? If you can afford it or have access to it, find a mentor, a therapist, a coach. Find someone to be your pace-setter! If you aren’t able to find professional support, you must learn to do it yourself. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Watch YouTube videos that teach on the subject you need help with. Google it! Self-pacing requires a level of patience, discipline and thought management. Why? Sometimes we want things to happen too fast. We hate to wait. We think because we started the diet on Monday we should be in the bikini by Saturday.  Slow your roll. In the Caribbean we say, “Take it easy Man!” Pacing yourself doesn’t mean you’re being a lazy lush. Instead, learn to give yourself the best possible chance to succeed. 3. Make SMART Goals . SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and relevant, and above all, they are time- oriented. Research clearly states that you have a HIGHER chance of successfully completing a task if you use SMART model to draw up your blueprint of how you will successfully bring this goal to completion.   Complete this Exercise: Use the examples below to see how you can easily make SMART goals. Then, identify ONE thing/idea/goal/intention you want to accomplish or create. Use the SMART descriptions to help you clearly define and structure your goal. Specific – State exactly what you want to create. I want to own and run an online store selling printed T-shirt’s sizes S to XL Measurable – You must have a way to confirm that you did exactly what you were going to do. I want to sell at least 10000 T shirts by the end of this year; earning a gross of at least $100000 in sales. Attainable – Ensure your goal is something achievable or you’re just dreaming. Not cute. Never hang your hat where your hand can’t reach. Ok. It’s probably too late to become an astronaut if you’re 50 and have not yet completed high school. I’m not saying it can’t be done. But uh... (side eye). Realistic –Focus on doing things you know can be reasonably accomplished. You can wish for wings like a dove if that’s what you want to do. But trust me, nobody else will be flying way up in the sky with you. Time Oriented. Put a deadline on things. You can’t leave your goal-completion target open-ended. That’s a recipe for disaster. You might still be “working on building my own business” twenty years from now. Don’t waste your time or that of the people around you who have placed their hopes in you.  4. Write Things Down. Everyone forgets! The most brilliant ideas can be lost because you didn’t record them. Architects and professional builders know to draw out their plans. Yes, you can envision the finished product in your mind. But because your brain is always wanting to make space for new data, it will sideline your fabulous ideas. If you’re not vigilant about capturing them, by the time you try to remember those awesome ideas that popped into your head while you were lying belly up in the sauna, your brain might have already said, “Buh-bye!” and lumped those suckers in with the other junk in your mental storage files. As fast as life happens sometimes, who knows what emergency might have transpired that required your complete attention and distracted you from that wonderful T-shirt company you were so passionate about last week. What else? Your child got sick at school, your work supervisor was on the warpath again, you missed your last Discover card payment and was forced to focus on negotiating a solution to keep your struggling credit in check. I’m just saying…  Writing things down is powerful. Keep a journal Get a diary Use the NOTES section in your phone Record a voice memo Create a vlog 5. Take a Leap of Faith Finally, you know how THEY SAY, “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die?” Sometimes, THEY talk too much! And, sometimes, THEY’re dead wrong. This time? THEY are right. You have to be willing to fail. You have to be willing to succeed! You have to be willing to be a human being and feel all the feelings human beings feel when they have to do new things. It’s that simple.   The biggest success trick I know, is you must Do It NOW! If you refuse to do the things that are on your heart to do, a part of you will always feel as if you are a fraud. A liar. A disappointment to yourself. You’ll be the same person looking at your cousin feeling bad about yourself or even worse, feeling completely jealous at what they’ve accomplished. The only difference between you and your cousin is that your cousin made the choice to do new things that felt uncomfortable at the time but now they’ve become a pro at. Once you’ve identified your goal or the task you want to accomplish, direct all of your attention and efforts towards its completion. It might cost you a lot. It might hurt a little or it might hurt a lot. You will know it’s important to you if they thought of looking back when you’re sixty knowing you didn’t pursue that goal seems even more painful than doing it now. Be courageous! You have one life to live. Put in the time, energy, and effort and you will see results. Above all, remember that even if up to this point you’ve tried and failed and been disappointed and frustrated as you’ve tried to create and accomplish new things, there is only one of you in this planet. Therefore, you have a unique and special offering to make in this world. For all your imperfections, LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF, anyway.  In another blog, I will share how you can use powerful words, phrases, and affirmations to train your brain to focus even more effectively on success. All the great mystics and spiritual teachers warn: Whatever you focus on becomes bigger. You get more of it. So, will you focus today on that thing your heart really knows you must create?  I hope these 3 affirmations will help you to forgive yourself for those past half-hearted efforts at creating the success you say you desire.
Even though I’ve flaked on my decisions to create the things I want in this life, I love and accept myself. Even though I feel disappointed in myself for not creating the success I desire, I love and accept myself. Even though I haven’t done my best to accomplish my goals in the past, I choose to Do It NOW!   Introduction _______________________________________________________________________________ We are all touched by broken relationships. Some friendships wither on the vine – one moved away to college, the other stayed back home. You married, they stayed single. Things change. Even the most loving relationships must end – after all, people die! That’s the nature of life. Who Should Read This:
One of the most universal losses in life is that of a broken romantic relationship. Relatively speaking, when it comes to life stressors, divorce, separation, and relationship breakups rank way up there with loss of a loved one to death. If you haven’t experienced it yet, I bet you know someone who has lost in love. SOMETIMES WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE HEARTBREAK IT'S AS IF A SWITCH GETS TURNED OFF. YOU START THINKING YOU'LL NEVER FIND LOVE AGAIN. YOU START TO WONDER IF YOU'LL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. HERE'S THE FIRST HALF OF A POWERFUL BRAIN-BASED 8-WEEK PLAN TO HELP YOU GET OVER A BROKEN HEART. FAST! Week One CRY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL That’s it. Week Two CRY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. Yes. You heard me right. Take two weeks to throw a tantrum. Have a hissy fit. If it hurts, cry like a baby for the first two weeks. Get the pain, rage, frustration, disappointment, shock, and disbelief out of your system. Relationship expert extra-ordinaire (in my mind), and author of the classic romance guide, Getting to I Do, famously says, "Feelings are non-negotiable." That means you can’t command your feelings to magically appear or disappear. Would that we all could! It hurts to end most relationships (sometimes you can’t wait to escape)! But, you can't get over, under, or around a broken heart, without first going through the pain of loss, rejection, and disappointment. There's no other way. Face the darkness of your emotions. Rend your heart. Feel the depths of your despair. And in the beginning, I say, "Go hard!"  IT'S DANGEROUS TO IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS From what I’ve seen in over 22 years of clinical practice, failure to acknowledge sadness born out of lost love, in fact failure to acknowledge your feelings in general can be psychologically harmful and leads to many unforeseen complications. f you don't allow your brain, body, and your mind to feel your emotions when they show up in your body, they will find a way for you to feel it. The thing is, if you ignore your feelings for too long, you probably won't like it when they show up when you're not looking (e.g. drugs, alcohol, overeating, poor relationship choices). Lying about, dismissing, avoiding, or suppressing painful feelings only delay and interrupt your healing process. On top of being inefficient, ignoring true feelings has a way of triggering a host of new problems you didn’t bargain for. Listen to Marisa’s Story to Hear Why You Should NOT ignore Feelings! Marisa came to me for help with a serious drinking problem; she admitted she was finishing off at least one bottle of wine each night. Her driver’s license was suspended, and she had a court date in the next two weeks because she recently ran into a neighbor’s gate. She was drinking too much. Worst of all, she as desperately as she tried, her efforts to find love again were coming up short. She had been married for 19 years to her high school sweetheart. They had two lovely children together. But, the marriage had ended in a brutal divorce 7 years ago. She thought she had dealt with it and moved on. But, she complained that since the divorce, her dating attempts had sucked royally and she kept attracting the same "type." When she found anyone who seemed like he would be a reasonable mate, she found a way to sabotage it to find an exit route. “I just can’t allow myself to go there again, doc,” said Marisa. “I want to love again but I’m so mad all the damn time. I feel as if the more I talk about it, the more there is to say – and I’m tired of listening to myself think about it.”  If you want to recover from grief and loss, the choice to be made is this. Either you feel the pain of your loss NOW. As it's happening. In the moment. Or press pause and put it on delay. But, rest assured, you might be able to delay your grief but it will not be denied forever! If you allow yourself to feel your emotions in the moment, you have a chance to get it over and done with – and appropriately so. The more serious reason to fully acknowledge your emotions is that pain delayed tends to energetically freeze in place. The freely moving and completely natural emotional energy of sadness you feel today, could morph into the hard, edginess of sarcasm and bitterness. Matter coagulates, freezes, stagnates, and festers if it has no other place to go. This is not good news for your heart. A traumatic event that rightly generated intense feelings of pain and confusion that could have been handled decades ago, lands on my couch with twenty additional problems that mushroomed because you were too afraid or too proud to release them at the time of the wound. It’s a double traumatization, in my view. The original pain from the wound is there. But now, it also has babies – and they’re ugly! Here's my recommendation: Instead of creating new and unnecessary problems, just admit that Cupid got you this time. Shrug. Cry. Face the facts - Girl Boss down, honey! Someone, please call 911! Week Three – Start Rewiring Your Brain |
 | WHAT |
European Journal of Social Psychology shared a study conducted by College of London health psychology researcher, Phillippa Lally.
Purpose of Study:
Examine the length of time it actually takes to build a new habit (many of you are familiar with the idea of 21 days).
Here’s what the researchers did:
Took 12 weeks to examine 96 people and their habits. After choosing ONE new habit to create each day participants reported their progress on a daily basis as to if they:
1. Did the new behavior and
2. How comfortable and effortless the new action felt.
Examples of new behaviors people chose to create were:
drinking a bottle of water with lunch
running for 15 minutes before dinner
Guess the Results?
The range was anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit.
On average it took 8 weeks or two months before a new behavior becomes automatic — specifically it took 66 days!
Of course the length of time depended on many things like behavior, the person, and the circumstances.
YOUR TAKEAWAY
Set realistic expectations – everybody is different and there is a wide range in number of days it takes to create new automatic habits.
You can create new neural pathways (brain tracks, habits, mental patterns) in less than 8 weeks!
If you are willing to do the work, you can hack your brain into cooperating with you to recover from loss faster than you ever thought possible.
THE BEST NEWS! YOU CAN CREATE NEW AUTOMATIC HABITS IN 8 WEEKS OR LESS!
Dr. Lally and other sources like www.alternativedaily.com state that in order to create new habits, you need to employ 3 strategies:
1. Practice Energetically and with Passion
2. Maintain a Sense of Calm vs Anxious Energy
3. REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT.
Purpose of Study:
Examine the length of time it actually takes to build a new habit (many of you are familiar with the idea of 21 days).
Here’s what the researchers did:
Took 12 weeks to examine 96 people and their habits. After choosing ONE new habit to create each day participants reported their progress on a daily basis as to if they:
1. Did the new behavior and
2. How comfortable and effortless the new action felt.
Examples of new behaviors people chose to create were:
drinking a bottle of water with lunch
running for 15 minutes before dinner
Guess the Results?
The range was anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit.
On average it took 8 weeks or two months before a new behavior becomes automatic — specifically it took 66 days!
Of course the length of time depended on many things like behavior, the person, and the circumstances.
YOUR TAKEAWAY
Set realistic expectations – everybody is different and there is a wide range in number of days it takes to create new automatic habits.
You can create new neural pathways (brain tracks, habits, mental patterns) in less than 8 weeks!
If you are willing to do the work, you can hack your brain into cooperating with you to recover from loss faster than you ever thought possible.
THE BEST NEWS! YOU CAN CREATE NEW AUTOMATIC HABITS IN 8 WEEKS OR LESS!
Dr. Lally and other sources like www.alternativedaily.com state that in order to create new habits, you need to employ 3 strategies:
1. Practice Energetically and with Passion
2. Maintain a Sense of Calm vs Anxious Energy
3. REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT.
HERE ARE SOME EXTRA TECHNIQUES TO HELP YOU TO CREATE NEW NEURAL PATHWAYS
1. CHANGE YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE
Challenge the story looping in your head that's generating such intense sadness and create a new and different narrative. Using different words to describe your experience is one way to go. Another way is to READ to take in new and different words in service of what you are ultimately trying to create – a loving relationship.
Your brain doesn't care. It works with what you give it. And your emotional responses follow.
2. BE BRUTALLY HONEST
When the urge to wallow hits you, be brutally honest - you saw it coming. You know you’ve had that knot in the pit of your stomach for a long time. Your instincts told you his thoughts and feelings towards you were different. Plus, you know the person you’re missing in your head that you just can’t live without – is the same one you wanted to choke many days. The same one you hated how he cleared his throat like a train every morning. And Good Lord, all that snoring! Don’t talk about his mother. Good grief! Everybody knows you won’t miss her this Thanksgiving! What I’m saying is we tend to only focus on the fabulous memories when we breakup. I’m asking you to be honest and remember the pain of the relationship. Feel different yet? Anything? Anything? All you need is a shift in emotion and that’s all the reinforcement your brain will need to help you along.
3. STAY FOCUSED
Once you get that emotional shift, focus on whatever amount of clarity and light that begins to build. Increase it. Magnify this strong counter emotion - the one that feels good to you. Grab on to any feeling of hope. Even if it's for a second. AND PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!
4. USE MINDFULNESS MEDITATION TO CULTIVATE A CALM APPROACH TO PROBLEM-SOLVING
Mindfulness Meditation is a very effective practice to help you train your brain to manage anxiety.
Focus on these principles of Mindfulness
a.Attention to the present moment.
b.Acceptance.
c.Compassion for yourself, your ex, others in similar struggles.
d.Visualization: In your mind’s eye, see the next love experience you want to create, now that you’ve integrated the lesson you learned in the last relationship.
.Commitment. Practice daily, preferably first thing in the morning, before you drift off to sleep, or sometime during the day when you’re not driving or doing something else that requires your focused attention.
5. TAKE POSITIVE ACTION
Sometimes you can CHANGE YOUR MIND by adding POSITIVE ACTION
- Change Your Routine
- Exercise
- Meditate
- Learn a new skill
- Begin a new hobby
- Join Meetups with like-minded people
- Spend more time in Church
- Volunteer
- Work a few extra shifts
- Find a part time job
- Visit old friends/family
- Take a vacation
Once positive actions get big enough they overwhelm the negative as we become engrossed in the new activity. Your brain will become distracted from the pain because a different emotion generated by the new action will swallow your distress. Before you know it, you won’t even be thinking about the joker. Wink! Wink!
6. PRACTICE UNTIL YOUR NEW SKILL BECOMES AUTOMATIC
A n o t h e r w a y t o c r e a t e a n e w n e u r al p r o g r a m is t o d e cid e w h a t c h a n g e s y o u w a n t t o m a k e, s e t o u t a plan o f a c tio n a n d d o it, o v e r a n d o v e r a n d o v e r a g ain till it b e c o m e s s e c o n d n a t u r e. www.truevitality.com
Want to hear one of my confessions?
As a helper and healer, you have to learn as many tools as possible so that you increase your ability to offer practical solutions to people who come to you for help.
But, I'm a human being before I'm a psychologist. As I learned these strategies, when I began to realize that we (you, me, people) could really do this, I was SO pissed off!
Why?
Well, it meant I had found the cure to PLOM Disease. What's PLOM Disease? POOR LI'L OLE ME.
I didn't have an excuse to stay buried in self-pity anymore.
I learned how to CHANGE MY MIND! Intentionally.
You can too.
Sage, philosopher, and poet laureate, Maya Angelou said,
"When we know better we ought to DO better."
I didn't want to make a liar out of Maya. And I didn't want to disappoint myself. As much as I enjoyed the feeling of being mad and I got an odd, twisted pleasure from curling up into a ball of sadness (for days sometimes) and blaming others for my terribly painful feelings, I knew I also had the choice to use my time in a different way.
Week Four –Detox from Oxytocin
What is Oxytocin?
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone that your body releases when you connect to people. Babies, pets, and lovers elicit the release of oxytocin by the brain. Even horrible partners elicit oxytocin release. You don't even have to like some people to become oxytocin-bonded. If your body likes them (meaning, if your body is attracted to them chemically) you could become bonded to them.
Oxytocin-Detox
The brain releases oxytocin in response to sensory triggers. When you smell, sometimes hear, see, taste, or touch a person you are chemically attracted to, particularly if you have bonded sexually, you will re-bond. If you don’t separate yourself, it will be as if you’re putting the grieving process on a continuous repeat. Again, typically, the oxytocin detox process takes an average of 2 years!
Two Years? Who's got TWO years?
Sometimes, particularly when children are involved, or if you work in the same place, or if you can’t move to a different house, you can’t avoid your ex. This can be particularly painful. I worked with and helped a beautiful couple a few years ago who specifically wanted to divorce but remain friends. They consciously decided to go through the detox process together.
Typically, though - If you’re aiming for quick Breakup Recovery, you need distance.
Your number one tool during this phase of recovery – if possible, is physical separation from the object of your affection. NO CONTACT!
Why You Should Avoid Seeing Your Ex (If You Can)
Physical separation is recommended because you can begin to starve your brain of its oxytocin triggers.
Think of it this way. If you want to get over a relationship fast, you must make concerted efforts to separate yourself as often as you can from the source of your addiction. Your love drug dealer. In substance abuse recovery, addicts are encouraged to avoid people, places, and things that remind them of the sensations associated with their using. They are also encouraged to develop new and different rituals to eliminate the triggers of old and harmful behaviors.
If you can, make every effort to GET AWAY from the offender!
1. Take a Vacation.
2. Stay with a friend or relative
3. Go on a Retreat.
4. Develop New Friendship Circles Use that time to re-collect yourself.
You are not an unlucky victim of life. You are just a human being. Feel the pain of your loss, take the lesson, and keep it moving.
GET AWAY! CREATE DISTANCE between yourself and your ex.
You caught on to this yet? Once you’ve allowed yourself the time or mental space to do this deep questioning, even if you don’t yet have any resolutions or answers, at the end of this week, practice getting out of head by acting.
Remember, our brains tend to go in a Think Feel, Think Feel, Think Feel loop as we try to make sense of emotionally charged experiences. In this phase, once you become aware that you are in the Think-Feel, Think-Feel loop, break it by Taking a POSITIVE ACTION (review the list and add yours).
BEWARE OF TRAUMA BONDING!!!
Toxic, volatile relationships can be particularly challenging to detox from because as frightening as it sounds, we bond through traumatic and shared events – particularly those that are highly emotional. Bad times can be as bonding as good times. Another scary discovery made by Patrick Carnes, author, psychiatrist and founder of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) is that some people are adept at using sexual feelings, fear, and excitement to keep you locked into them. You are especially vulnerable to this Trauma Bonding, according to Dr. Carnes, if you have similar early life experiences (emotional, sexual, physical abuse or neglect) because you will likely be more desensitized (numb) to that kind of pain.
The Hi-Bye Letter - A Powerful Tool for Emotional Detox
Dr. Pat Allen recommends the Hi-Bye Letter as a powerful tool to help in the recovery process. You write a letter to the person who broke your heart, while you’re still bleeding on the inside and your feelings are raw. In the letter, you focus on the agony, ecstasy, and lessons of the relationship.
Hi-Bye Letter Format (a la Dr. Pat Allen of www.patallen.com and www.thewantinstitute.com).
Paragraph ONE – Write about all you LOVED/LIKED/ENJOYED about the relationship/your love
Paragraph TWO – Write the PAIN/HURTS of the relationship/your love
Paragraph THREE – Write what you DON’T want ever again based on events of this relationship
Paragraph FOUR – Write what you DO WANT in your next relationship
Paragraph FIVE – Write the LESSONS/GIFTS of this relationship (e.g., Thank you so much for bringing me this/these painful lessons (list them) so that I might learn how to…
I’m sure you can see the value in writing such a letter. Even if you choose not to send it or if you have no way to get it to your ex, it’s a great way to give yourself closure in a tangible and spiritual way.
This is especially helpful in situations where you were denied an opportunity to express your sentiments because the person ghosted you, or you have no idea where they live, or they broke up with you in a way you never even saw coming.
_____________________________________________________________
Paragraph ONE – Write about all you LOVED/LIKED/ENJOYED about the relationship/your love
Paragraph TWO – Write the PAIN/HURTS of the relationship/your love
Paragraph THREE – Write what you DON’T want ever again based on events of this relationship
Paragraph FOUR – Write what you DO WANT in your next relationship
Paragraph FIVE – Write the LESSONS/GIFTS of this relationship (e.g., Thank you so much for bringing me this/these painful lessons (list them) so that I might learn how to…
I’m sure you can see the value in writing such a letter. Even if you choose not to send it or if you have no way to get it to your ex, it’s a great way to give yourself closure in a tangible and spiritual way.
This is especially helpful in situations where you were denied an opportunity to express your sentiments because the person ghosted you, or you have no idea where they live, or they broke up with you in a way you never even saw coming.
_____________________________________________________________
Jada Pinkett Smith, in a Red Table Talk promo video clip, describes the act of loving as one that at some point will force the lover to experience "devastation." We don't often think of love as destructive. But love is a powerful force. Love is the source of life and hope that springs forth in a newborn baby. But, it has also been blamed for many a suicide and murder. I don't believe Jada meant to say that love is a negative force. What she was saying is that that love is BIG. And, if you intend to reap the fruits from the harvest of love, be prepared to also experience the pain of loss in some form or fashion. Because we are human, we will face the pain of losing people we love. It is a necessary skill, therefore, to learn how to recover from a broken heart. After all, life must go on.
If you're in the midst of a breakup, separation, divorce, or if you simply want to heal your heart from the pain of a past relationship that won't let you go...
Learn How to Heal Your Heart Once and For All
&
Retrain Your Brain to Create the Love You Want in 8 Weeks or Less!
CONTACT DR. TRIPHI
Learn How to Heal Your Heart Once and For All
&
Retrain Your Brain to Create the Love You Want in 8 Weeks or Less!
CONTACT DR. TRIPHI
READY. SET. GO.
So, you say you’re ready to manifest your dreams into reality. What’s stopping you, then?
Does any of this ring a bell?
- You’re ready to make things happen but you don’t really think you can?
- You’re ready to succeed, but you feel hopeless because you have no support?
- You’re ready but…we could keep going.
Ok. Look. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. We all want to succeed. But, the journey is often painful, lonely, and exhausting. I especially feel a lot of compassion for people who allow their dreams to die because they think they NEED people close to them to back them up and they get overwhelmed at the thought of having to accomplish big goals all alone. I get it. Humans are social. Most people enjoy the thought of having a tribe or support group to back them up.
The Truth is, that kind of support you’re looking for is not always available.
The Truth is, the truth is, even if it's available it might not come with the level of intensity or interest you think it should.
The Truth is, you must learn how to make things happen. ALONE.
The Truth is, you must learn to reach outside your circle for the extra help you will need along the way.
The Truth is, it's your life - not theirs.
It’s a beautiful thing to have people behind you pushing you forward. It’s great to know you have a crew of folks who are always in your corner, who are available to help you manage your anxieties as you work to create the things that are on your heart to do.
Unfortunately, it's not a reasonable expectation that people in your life will be there for you - at least, not in the way you will always need it.
That is something you must learn to give to yourself!
Apart from the fact that everybody has their own goals they have a responsibility to focus on, as exhausted as you feel is as exhausted as they feel with what's on their plate. In large part, most people have little emotional space left to dish out to someone else.
Additionally, it’s not uncommon to encounter loved ones and acquaintances who seem to almost sneakily not want you to succeed.
Does any of this ring a bell?
- You’re ready to make things happen but you don’t really think you can?
- You’re ready to succeed, but you feel hopeless because you have no support?
- You’re ready but…we could keep going.
Ok. Look. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. We all want to succeed. But, the journey is often painful, lonely, and exhausting. I especially feel a lot of compassion for people who allow their dreams to die because they think they NEED people close to them to back them up and they get overwhelmed at the thought of having to accomplish big goals all alone. I get it. Humans are social. Most people enjoy the thought of having a tribe or support group to back them up.
The Truth is, that kind of support you’re looking for is not always available.
The Truth is, the truth is, even if it's available it might not come with the level of intensity or interest you think it should.
The Truth is, you must learn how to make things happen. ALONE.
The Truth is, you must learn to reach outside your circle for the extra help you will need along the way.
The Truth is, it's your life - not theirs.
It’s a beautiful thing to have people behind you pushing you forward. It’s great to know you have a crew of folks who are always in your corner, who are available to help you manage your anxieties as you work to create the things that are on your heart to do.
Unfortunately, it's not a reasonable expectation that people in your life will be there for you - at least, not in the way you will always need it.
That is something you must learn to give to yourself!
Apart from the fact that everybody has their own goals they have a responsibility to focus on, as exhausted as you feel is as exhausted as they feel with what's on their plate. In large part, most people have little emotional space left to dish out to someone else.
Additionally, it’s not uncommon to encounter loved ones and acquaintances who seem to almost sneakily not want you to succeed.
HATERS.
Why do loved ones sometimes seem less than enthusiastic about your success?
What must you do when that happens?
Ok. Firstly, even Jesus said:
Mark 6:4
What must you do when that happens?
Ok. Firstly, even Jesus said:
- "A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home."
Mark 6:4
THE POINT OF HATING.
It might feel to you as if folks are trying to "hate" on you, sometimes. As strange as it sounds, that sometimes comes from a place of love. Except that it's a confused, fear-based way of loving.
Think about it.
The people who have known you forever have the scoop on you from the inside out. They have a microscope on your weak spots. They’ve seen you at your highest highs and lowest lows. You probably spent many hours together commiserating on your misfortunes, your dreams, desires, and wishes.
When you begin to do anything different, you are asking the people around you by extension to change. You’re asking them to see you in a new way. You’re asking them to risk losing you to the new person and the new life you are creating! You’re asking them to take the risk that you will leave them as you go off on your adventures.
Think about it.
The people who have known you forever have the scoop on you from the inside out. They have a microscope on your weak spots. They’ve seen you at your highest highs and lowest lows. You probably spent many hours together commiserating on your misfortunes, your dreams, desires, and wishes.
When you begin to do anything different, you are asking the people around you by extension to change. You’re asking them to see you in a new way. You’re asking them to risk losing you to the new person and the new life you are creating! You’re asking them to take the risk that you will leave them as you go off on your adventures.
The unconscious purpose of a supposedly well-intentioned, sideways question like: “Why are you doing this?” or, “Are you SURE you want to do that?” is often based on your loved one’s anxieties about the potential changes that will come with your new moves.
The point of the hating is to let you doubt yourself enough, to dissuade you from shifting. It is often designed to make you question yourself enough that you will abandon your strange ideas and keep the status quo. You will not rock the boat.
As much as people want you to do well and the loving part wants you to be and do your best; their brain knows it's going to have to put in the extra effort to look at you in a different way.
THE BRAIN IS LAZY.
Actually, the brain is always trying to put things on automatic pilot so it can do things faster. For efficiency sake, it likes familiarity. It likes predictability. The brain likes things to be easily categorized so that it knows (quickly) so that in times of stress, it knows if it should push you to turn around and escape (flight), pop someone in the jaw (fight), or play possum and wait for the drama to blow over (freeze).
These are natural processes in response to change and stress. So, it is important to know that while hose who know you best can be your strongest support, sometimes, they can try to hold you back!
Intentionally sometimes. But, often, unconsciously so.
The point of the hating is to let you doubt yourself enough, to dissuade you from shifting. It is often designed to make you question yourself enough that you will abandon your strange ideas and keep the status quo. You will not rock the boat.
As much as people want you to do well and the loving part wants you to be and do your best; their brain knows it's going to have to put in the extra effort to look at you in a different way.
THE BRAIN IS LAZY.
Actually, the brain is always trying to put things on automatic pilot so it can do things faster. For efficiency sake, it likes familiarity. It likes predictability. The brain likes things to be easily categorized so that it knows (quickly) so that in times of stress, it knows if it should push you to turn around and escape (flight), pop someone in the jaw (fight), or play possum and wait for the drama to blow over (freeze).
These are natural processes in response to change and stress. So, it is important to know that while hose who know you best can be your strongest support, sometimes, they can try to hold you back!
Intentionally sometimes. But, often, unconsciously so.
YOU MUST LOOK OUT.
My strong advice is to resist your urge to take people’s objections to your ideas or your dreams as if it's the end all or be all. Sure, it's great to get other people's advice. But, it’s not their job to see your vision. It’s yours! If they can't see what you see in your mind, it doesn't mean you should give up. All it suggests is that this is the perspective from which they can see what you see.
Again, because the brain is so quick in the way it reacts, few of us can help our initial, instinctive responses. Other people's seeming resistance to the changes that come as your thoughts or your actions change as you move forward on your success trip is likely to be more about what stage they are in as they become attuned to your changes. Initially, the weirdness you (and they) feel as you attempt to maintain the status quo will be replaced by a new normal.
That's if they really love you. Some people will fall off your radar because having to change their concept of you will feel too painful or seem like too much work. It's all good. Everybody will be all right.
Again, because the brain is so quick in the way it reacts, few of us can help our initial, instinctive responses. Other people's seeming resistance to the changes that come as your thoughts or your actions change as you move forward on your success trip is likely to be more about what stage they are in as they become attuned to your changes. Initially, the weirdness you (and they) feel as you attempt to maintain the status quo will be replaced by a new normal.
That's if they really love you. Some people will fall off your radar because having to change their concept of you will feel too painful or seem like too much work. It's all good. Everybody will be all right.
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR AS YOU MOVE FORWARD
LOSS OF ENERGY & DECREASED MOTIVATION
This might be your FLIGHT response to change kicking in. You can choose to tuck your tail between your legs, surrender your dreams and go on trying to live other people's thoughts about what your life should look like. You have every right to stop dead in your tracks if you wish. Or you can compassionately and realistically see what is happening as something to be expected. Not something unusual or scary. That means, you must keep your eyes on your own prize and keep moving forward!
SUBTLE HINTS OF DOOM & GLOOM FROM LOVED ONES
QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LACK OF EXPERIENCE
GUILT TRIPS
This might be your FLIGHT response to change kicking in. You can choose to tuck your tail between your legs, surrender your dreams and go on trying to live other people's thoughts about what your life should look like. You have every right to stop dead in your tracks if you wish. Or you can compassionately and realistically see what is happening as something to be expected. Not something unusual or scary. That means, you must keep your eyes on your own prize and keep moving forward!
SUBTLE HINTS OF DOOM & GLOOM FROM LOVED ONES
- Do you know how much that costs?
- Do you realize you’d have to give up your stable job?
- Are there benefits?
- How will you pay for your health insurance?
- Do you know how many restaurants fail in their first year?
QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LACK OF EXPERIENCE
- Who’s going to help you?
- You have no experience, how are you going to do this?
- You’ve never done this before, who told you that’s even possible?
GUILT TRIPS
- Hmm, I know you’re not going to study me when you become a doctor…
- Some people become so high and mighty when they think they have a little more than you.
- Please don’t leave me, what am I going to do without you?
- Aren’t we good enough for you?
- I know a thing or two about a thing or two – you think you’re better than us? Just because you’re a psychologist, you don’t always know everything.
- You should know this – you’re a doctor! You can’t win.
WHY YOU SHOULD PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE.
As you Listen to all the questions and doubts coming at you, have a heart.
1. Accept that you might feel the same way if the situation was reversed.
2. Accept that not everyone will be on board with your progress.
3. Accept that not everybody will see your vision.
4. Accept that you don't need them to be willing or excited about your goals
5. Accept that it might be your job during this time to be patient.
5. Accept that maybe you are bragging a little. And stop it.
Above all, if you find that you are procrastinating and delaying your plans because you’re anxious or afraid of how other’s will respond to your new ideas and actions, SNAP OUT OF IT!
1. Accept that you might feel the same way if the situation was reversed.
2. Accept that not everyone will be on board with your progress.
3. Accept that not everybody will see your vision.
4. Accept that you don't need them to be willing or excited about your goals
5. Accept that it might be your job during this time to be patient.
5. Accept that maybe you are bragging a little. And stop it.
Above all, if you find that you are procrastinating and delaying your plans because you’re anxious or afraid of how other’s will respond to your new ideas and actions, SNAP OUT OF IT!
5 BRAIN HACKS TO BEAT SUCCESS BLOCKS
1. BREATHE!
When we feel anxious or afraid – a common emotion when we feel alone or challenged, the breath becomes short, shallow, erratic. In response, the brain makes a calculation about how to respond to the perceived threat. Know this. Your brain automatically interprets your heart-rate variability as a threat. So, purposely breathe correctly!
By correctly, I mean, intentionally slow down and elongate the breath. Take in as much oxygen as you can all the way into your diaphragm. Think about your breath as if it were a remote control for your brain. Your automatic physiological response will be a decreased heart rate. In turn, your brain reads this reduced heart rate as a reason to release its grip on your neocortex (area in the brain responsible for your common sense, judgment) and decrease your feeling brain’s instinctive attempt to prepare to flee, fight, or roll over and play dead.
2. Distract Your Brain with Physical Movement.
For example, in the grip of fear or anxiety, if you’re sitting, get up and walk around. If you’re somewhere that possible, do ten quick pushups. Or ten jumping jacks. Yell. Jump. Punch a bag or pillow. Moving your body has the effect of somatically expelling the emotion. Additionally, the physical movement will distract your brain by giving it an equally or more compelling task. As such, if you’re moving vigorously, your brain will become less likely to focus on your feelings or weird panicky thoughts.
For example, in the grip of fear or anxiety, if you’re sitting, get up and walk around. If you’re somewhere that possible, do ten quick pushups. Or ten jumping jacks. Yell. Jump. Punch a bag or pillow. Moving your body has the effect of somatically expelling the emotion. Additionally, the physical movement will distract your brain by giving it an equally or more compelling task. As such, if you’re moving vigorously, your brain will become less likely to focus on your feelings or weird panicky thoughts.
3. Practice Gratitude. Identify and list out loud or write out three things for which you’re grateful. Even about the person, place, or thing that is triggering your stress response. Whatever you focus on or give your attention to becomes bigger and more significant in your eyes. Directing attention to Gratitude is proven to be a powerful tool for transforming or transmuting fear/anxiety/frustration.
4. Practice Mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn, is the author of the best-selling book on Mindfulness called, Wherever You Go, There You Are. In this video he uses the power of Mindfulness in helping us stay in the here and now. He also does a short meditation using the Body Scan technique to help you pay close attention to how you are feeling in the present moment. Mindful awareness (focusing on here and now) helps us avoid the trap of sadness that comes when we think about the things that have already happened and the anxiety that comes when think about what is yet to come.
In addition to paying attention to how you use your breath (e.g., as you inhale, focus on the very act of breathing in, experience fully how your physical sensations as you breathe out, noticing the gap or space between your in-breath and your out-breath or exhalation). It is helpful to use all your five senses to be aware of the present moment. For example, right now, this very second, become aware of what you are feeling in the physical sense. Are you comfortable? In discomfort? Does your tummy hurt? Does your heart feel heavy? Is your throat tight? Can you connect to your emotions? Perhaps you can describe where in your body you feel your emotions. Maybe you can even describe how that feels in your body.
There is a part of each of us that is the observer.
There is a part of you that always notices you are thinking; It notices how you are feeling; It notices what you are doing. Many people call that part, the Higher Self or the Wise Self or your Spirit Man because it always knows and can always see beyond and through all the B.S of our existence on the planet. It is the part that always knows what’s in our best interest and always wants our highest good– even as we are acting in ways (based on the ego and personality self that suggest the opposite.
Practice engaging and connecting to that part of yourself - OFTEN.
Use that part of yourself to notice what is happening in and around your physical self. Practice simply describing your emotion/s. Observe yourself without judgment. Allow your body to experience your current reality - even if that feels painful and physically unbearable.
Your Higher Self can always bear whatever is occurring to your physical or personality self. From a practical standpoint, you can intentionally increase your positive self-talk perhaps by reminding yourself that feelings are like clouds. They pass. They always pass. Why? Well, remember - NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
As the elders say, “This too shall pass.”
There is a part of each of us that is the observer.
There is a part of you that always notices you are thinking; It notices how you are feeling; It notices what you are doing. Many people call that part, the Higher Self or the Wise Self or your Spirit Man because it always knows and can always see beyond and through all the B.S of our existence on the planet. It is the part that always knows what’s in our best interest and always wants our highest good– even as we are acting in ways (based on the ego and personality self that suggest the opposite.
Practice engaging and connecting to that part of yourself - OFTEN.
Use that part of yourself to notice what is happening in and around your physical self. Practice simply describing your emotion/s. Observe yourself without judgment. Allow your body to experience your current reality - even if that feels painful and physically unbearable.
Your Higher Self can always bear whatever is occurring to your physical or personality self. From a practical standpoint, you can intentionally increase your positive self-talk perhaps by reminding yourself that feelings are like clouds. They pass. They always pass. Why? Well, remember - NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
As the elders say, “This too shall pass.”
5. LISTEN TO OR READ UPLIFTING WORDS OR MUSIC
Sometimes, it’s challenging to muster up the energy to do any of these earlier tasks without some external input. This is when you find something inspirational to listen to. It could be music, a video, a Podcast, a meditation recording. Anything you already know that helps you feel good. All you’ve got to do is press play. Put your headphones on if you’re not where you can put your speakers up. Let someone else pour something inspiring into you.
At first, you don’t have to do much at all. You don’t even have to concentrate on listening or paying attention. Just let the power and energy of the words fill your space. Before long, your mood will shift in the positive direction. Effortless! Try it today and see what happens.
Check out this list by Abby Vancisin of 3 excellent motivational Podcasts at www.theglitterguide.com
1. Let's Discuss Podcast by Ella Gregory & Monica Beatrice Welburnhttps://www.letsdiscusspodcast.com/
2. The Goal Digger Podcast by Jenna Kutcher
podcast.jennakutcher.com/
3. The Life Coach School by Brooke Castillo
www.thelifecoachschool.com
Sometimes, it’s challenging to muster up the energy to do any of these earlier tasks without some external input. This is when you find something inspirational to listen to. It could be music, a video, a Podcast, a meditation recording. Anything you already know that helps you feel good. All you’ve got to do is press play. Put your headphones on if you’re not where you can put your speakers up. Let someone else pour something inspiring into you.
At first, you don’t have to do much at all. You don’t even have to concentrate on listening or paying attention. Just let the power and energy of the words fill your space. Before long, your mood will shift in the positive direction. Effortless! Try it today and see what happens.
Check out this list by Abby Vancisin of 3 excellent motivational Podcasts at www.theglitterguide.com
1. Let's Discuss Podcast by Ella Gregory & Monica Beatrice Welburnhttps://www.letsdiscusspodcast.com/
2. The Goal Digger Podcast by Jenna Kutcher
podcast.jennakutcher.com/
3. The Life Coach School by Brooke Castillo
www.thelifecoachschool.com
When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Appears
| I believe that the answers we seek always come to us when ask. Why? Because knowledge is available to us all. We only have to set the intention to receive it. Specifically, answers become available to us (because answers are always there, they always exist) when we are prepared to do the work! Unless you’re ready, you run the risk of missing the answer when it does show up because you won't recognize it or you'll convince yourself it' not the real thing. You’ll let it pass you by. Therefore, pursue knowledge; stay open to it, and act on it when you finally see it. |  I hope you’re reading this blog because you’re READY and WILLING to finish what you choose to start. I hope you choose to stop procrastinating. I hope you choose to maximize your creative potential. I hope you get OUT of your own way. Most importantly, I hope you take affirmative and forward action to make the mental shifts required to create what you desire in this life. The buck stops with you. Ultimately, you decide. Do It NOW! |
LOVE IN THE DIGITAL ERA
With the advent of social media, dating apps, millionaire matchmakers and the like, it seems as if the waters of the Red Sea of Love have parted.
Admit it. Even if you still feel “weird” or “some type of way” about looking for love online, you know the truth. Sure, it would be so sweet if you could tell Dad you bumped into your soulmate in the meat aisle at the grocery store. Realistically, you also know that finding love can be a numbers game – and that you've literally got to be in it to win it.
Here's the thing - ONLINE DATING is here to stay - and it's perfectly fine.
With that being the case, you better learn to do it better!
I’m talking mostly to the sisters (women) here with this.
Used to be women would get to be “of a certain age” and if you missed The Loveboat, you’d have to settle for your three cats and crocheting doilies.
Admit it. Even if you still feel “weird” or “some type of way” about looking for love online, you know the truth. Sure, it would be so sweet if you could tell Dad you bumped into your soulmate in the meat aisle at the grocery store. Realistically, you also know that finding love can be a numbers game – and that you've literally got to be in it to win it.
Here's the thing - ONLINE DATING is here to stay - and it's perfectly fine.
With that being the case, you better learn to do it better!
I’m talking mostly to the sisters (women) here with this.
Used to be women would get to be “of a certain age” and if you missed The Loveboat, you’d have to settle for your three cats and crocheting doilies.
Cats are cute and all, but move over, #caturday!
Nowadays, with a few clicks, the digital world is allowing you the time, freedom, and latitude, to type in all of your requirements for that errant soulmate.
A not-so-few bathroom-mirror selfies later, BOOM! Profile's done. You're love-surfing.
Time to start waiting; nervously excited with heart racing like a kid in a candy story for your first Favorite or Like from BigHeartedJoe69.
Exciting stuff.
Potentially, anyway.
Nowadays, with a few clicks, the digital world is allowing you the time, freedom, and latitude, to type in all of your requirements for that errant soulmate.
A not-so-few bathroom-mirror selfies later, BOOM! Profile's done. You're love-surfing.
Time to start waiting; nervously excited with heart racing like a kid in a candy story for your first Favorite or Like from BigHeartedJoe69.
Exciting stuff.
Potentially, anyway.
HEARTPROOFING
Most things in life are like the two sides of a coin. Riding alongside the hopes of True Love gallops the sidekick, Serious Heartbreak. The psychological validation and immense pleasures we get from attachment are enormously satisfying; some might argue – addictive. We brave the ecstasy of love, but it can also be a major source of suffering.
Internet dating can be especially tricky.
You can fall in love fast!
New research is showing that the anonymity of the internet facilitates the ability to quickly open up and even bond with a stranger long before you even see much less smell someone in person.
John Suler, author of Psychology in Cyberspace, writes, “Many believe exploring love on the internet allows them to more directly encounter the heart, mind, and soul of the other” than dating in person.
But the pain from breaking up from a digitally based relationship or online-initiated relationship does not go away as quickly as it starts - nor is it any less painful.
Most things in life are like the two sides of a coin. Riding alongside the hopes of True Love gallops the sidekick, Serious Heartbreak. The psychological validation and immense pleasures we get from attachment are enormously satisfying; some might argue – addictive. We brave the ecstasy of love, but it can also be a major source of suffering.
Internet dating can be especially tricky.
You can fall in love fast!
New research is showing that the anonymity of the internet facilitates the ability to quickly open up and even bond with a stranger long before you even see much less smell someone in person.
John Suler, author of Psychology in Cyberspace, writes, “Many believe exploring love on the internet allows them to more directly encounter the heart, mind, and soul of the other” than dating in person.
But the pain from breaking up from a digitally based relationship or online-initiated relationship does not go away as quickly as it starts - nor is it any less painful.
RISKS OF ONLINE BONDING
Bonding too soon to anyone new that you can't see means you're open to liars and scammers.
* Bonding too soon to charming crooks and criminals who start asking you for money once they think they’ve got you emotionally lassoed. RED FLAG!
Ladies, in case your Mama never warned you, please keep your pocketbooks zipped until you’re in a committed relationship. You DO NOT, I repeat, You DO NOT! want to be the confused-looking lady on Dr. Phil's Thursday show, talking about how you willingly MoneyGrammed half of your life savings away to ANYBODY! #SAD!
I don't care how desperate their plight. If they're that desperate, that just might not be your man, honey. You're looking for a mate, not a patient!
Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do and Staying Married and Loving It, advises anyone who feels they are the feminine energy of a relationship dynamic to remember that prior to a stated commitment between a couple, the feminine person is being COURTED! I wholeheartedly agree. A gentleman interested in courting you (IMHO) is one who invites you out and willingly pays for dinner. Period.
* Bonding too soon to catfishers (fake matches and sad, unhappy people who try to get people hooked into them because they are personality-disordered or just for the heck of it).
* Bonding too soon to people you might not be chemically compatible with (e.g., you fall in love over the internet, but they have smelly pits and gross you out in person or you feel no attraction for them when you finally meet). Perhaps his 62-year old self forgot to tell you his profile pic was from college.
* Bonding too soon to scalawags who’re just on the web to play and who ghost you just as you start liking them. You know, those hummingbird types that like to take a peck here and another peck there, here a peck, there a peck, everywhere a peck-peck…
* Bonding too soon to charming crooks and criminals who start asking you for money once they think they’ve got you emotionally lassoed. RED FLAG!
Ladies, in case your Mama never warned you, please keep your pocketbooks zipped until you’re in a committed relationship. You DO NOT, I repeat, You DO NOT! want to be the confused-looking lady on Dr. Phil's Thursday show, talking about how you willingly MoneyGrammed half of your life savings away to ANYBODY! #SAD!
I don't care how desperate their plight. If they're that desperate, that just might not be your man, honey. You're looking for a mate, not a patient!
Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do and Staying Married and Loving It, advises anyone who feels they are the feminine energy of a relationship dynamic to remember that prior to a stated commitment between a couple, the feminine person is being COURTED! I wholeheartedly agree. A gentleman interested in courting you (IMHO) is one who invites you out and willingly pays for dinner. Period.
* Bonding too soon to catfishers (fake matches and sad, unhappy people who try to get people hooked into them because they are personality-disordered or just for the heck of it).
* Bonding too soon to people you might not be chemically compatible with (e.g., you fall in love over the internet, but they have smelly pits and gross you out in person or you feel no attraction for them when you finally meet). Perhaps his 62-year old self forgot to tell you his profile pic was from college.
* Bonding too soon to scalawags who’re just on the web to play and who ghost you just as you start liking them. You know, those hummingbird types that like to take a peck here and another peck there, here a peck, there a peck, everywhere a peck-peck…
So What's a Girl to Do?
MY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR ONLINE DATING
It is imperative that you take every precaution to keep yourself physically safe!
3 Tips to Help You Stay Safe
Suler explains that in a “true” cyber-romance, the couple “will want to meet in person.” This is crucial! For your emotional safety, you should not even allow yourself to become too close to a person online before you’ve met them in person! To decrease the likelihood of a lot of the weirdness, you must quickly take your interaction off the internet and into the physical world.
It is imperative that you take every precaution to keep yourself physically safe!
3 Tips to Help You Stay Safe
- Meet in a public place until you feel assured of your safety.
- Ensure close relatives or friends know what you're doing and who you're meeting and where you're meeting them.
- If possible, have a loved one be close in case you need to make a mad dash or if the date completely sucks and you have to leave fast.
Suler explains that in a “true” cyber-romance, the couple “will want to meet in person.” This is crucial! For your emotional safety, you should not even allow yourself to become too close to a person online before you’ve met them in person! To decrease the likelihood of a lot of the weirdness, you must quickly take your interaction off the internet and into the physical world.
- Meet your online match in person no later than after 3-5 conversations online.
- If you cannot meet in person, at the very least, switch up to video-chat so you’re talking to a real person
- Stop communicating with people who mysteriously have phone problems and cannot for who knows why use a simple video conferencing app like Whatsapp, Viber, Imo, or Facetime.
- Keep your heart in check. Take time to get to know people. Think about it, even if the neurotransmitters in your body are telling you otherwise, how long does it take you to know and trust someone in regular life? Use the same guidelines. Con artists and gamers with nefarious agendas are patient and can hide who they are for along time.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO GET BACK IN THE GAME OF LOVE. BUT, IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, THE REWARDS COULD WELL OUTWEIGH THE RISKS.
Now, get out there and start flirting... I HOPE YOU FIND LOVE OR LOVE FINDS YOU!
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WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?
Mindfulness practice is a form of paying attention to what is happening in the present moment.
- Your thoughts
- Your emotions
- Your sensations
- What is happening NOW
The concept of being mindful as practiced in the West is based on Eastern Buddhist philosophy. Buddhist practice includes spiritual teaching steeped in thousands of years of tradition and practice.
Western psychologists have been utilizing some of the principles of mindfulness with increasing frequency and with great success.
Mindfulness practice is a form of paying attention to what is happening in the present moment.
- Your thoughts
- Your emotions
- Your sensations
- What is happening NOW
The concept of being mindful as practiced in the West is based on Eastern Buddhist philosophy. Buddhist practice includes spiritual teaching steeped in thousands of years of tradition and practice.
Western psychologists have been utilizing some of the principles of mindfulness with increasing frequency and with great success.
The power of mindfulness lies in its ability to help you to hold contradicting ideas of acceptance of the present alongside your commitment and actions towards ongoing change.
Mindfulness practice can become a powerful tool to help you create the outcomes you desire in your life. You practice how to “peacefully abide” with yourself AND tolerate your present reality even as you become…
In so doing, you temper your need to be judgmental and harshly critical of yourself. Instead, you practice the skill of compassion or loving-kindness towards yourself.
The result is that you increase emotional skills like:
- Patience
- Tolerance
- Hope
- Internal calm
- Love
- Self- acceptance
- Kindness
For example, when it feels like you don’t have space to handle one more thing, you can practice simply observing yourself having those thoughts, emotions, or sensations – and doing only that (no judging yourself as to why aren’t you stronger, smarter, better – no wishing that your reality was different – no downing yourself or others for not being there for you enough etc. etc. etc. – you know how we all can get sometimes).
I personally find I’m most susceptible to negative thinking and leaving my calm internal space when I’m overly busy and or I have a lot of people depending on me.
How about you? Where and when are you most vulnerable to losing your calm center?
5 Great Reads on Mindfulness
1. The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle
2. Wherever You Go There You Are – Jon Kabat Zinn, PhD
3. The Untethered Soul – Michael Singer
4. Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach, PhD.
5. Do It Now – Triphinia Margaret Wallace, PhD.
All are available online at www.amazon.com
1. The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle
2. Wherever You Go There You Are – Jon Kabat Zinn, PhD
3. The Untethered Soul – Michael Singer
4. Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach, PhD.
5. Do It Now – Triphinia Margaret Wallace, PhD.
All are available online at www.amazon.com
THE POWER OF NOW – Eckhart Tolle
Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of NOW, provides an excellent place to start in your understanding of the practice of being present.
Success is fashioned in the moment. Time waits for no (wo)man…
It’s the little steps you take right now that combine and accumulate to make a seismic difference over time.
How often have you observed to yourself, “Where did the TIME go?”
Regret and self-recrimination often follow when you focus on the past or the future. In fact, not keeping your attention on what is in front of you could cause you to miss the opportunities life is presenting you NOW.
When we spend too much energy and time looking back on things we wished we had done in the past, many of us experience sadness and regret. On the other end of the spectrum, many of us get caught in the trap of worrying about situations that have not yet arrived. That throws us into an anxious state.
There are few to no SHOULDs in life!
If you catch yourself beating yourself up about what you “should have done, or what you should have said, or how things should be, perhaps you might feel better if you substitute the “should” for a word like wish or want.
For example, instead of saying, “I should be making more money at this stage of my life,” try this instead:
I wish I was making more money at this stage of my life.
Or
I want to make more money at this stage of my life.
WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE – Jon Kabat Zinn
Mindfulness is not just something you think about in your head. It’s something you DO!
Initially, I found mindfulness meditation practice to be challenging, clumsy, and uncomfortable in my body - painful even. The notion of slowing down? Taking a break? I felt like a lush! I could hardly sit still.
Anxiety, I realized, was my drug of choice!
THE POWER OF NOW – Eckhart Tolle
Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of NOW, provides an excellent place to start in your understanding of the practice of being present.
Success is fashioned in the moment. Time waits for no (wo)man…
It’s the little steps you take right now that combine and accumulate to make a seismic difference over time.
How often have you observed to yourself, “Where did the TIME go?”
Regret and self-recrimination often follow when you focus on the past or the future. In fact, not keeping your attention on what is in front of you could cause you to miss the opportunities life is presenting you NOW.
When we spend too much energy and time looking back on things we wished we had done in the past, many of us experience sadness and regret. On the other end of the spectrum, many of us get caught in the trap of worrying about situations that have not yet arrived. That throws us into an anxious state.
There are few to no SHOULDs in life!
If you catch yourself beating yourself up about what you “should have done, or what you should have said, or how things should be, perhaps you might feel better if you substitute the “should” for a word like wish or want.
For example, instead of saying, “I should be making more money at this stage of my life,” try this instead:
I wish I was making more money at this stage of my life.
Or
I want to make more money at this stage of my life.
WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE – Jon Kabat Zinn
Mindfulness is not just something you think about in your head. It’s something you DO!
Initially, I found mindfulness meditation practice to be challenging, clumsy, and uncomfortable in my body - painful even. The notion of slowing down? Taking a break? I felt like a lush! I could hardly sit still.
Anxiety, I realized, was my drug of choice!
I noticed how I would do this little number of “going blank,” when in response to thoughts like:
“It’s too much!” or “I can’t take it anymore!”
Over the years as a therapist, I was motivated to explore various forms of meditation to help my clients. For example, Kundalini meditation focuses on moving energy up and out of the body towards the divine.
For me, that type of meditation is sweet, juicy stuff that allows me to briefly take a break from my feelings in the present.
The thing is, that type of meditation was not the path for me to learn how to competently experience and tolerate anxiety as it coursed its way through my body.
The result?
I would feel sweet relief during the meditation; but a rapid return to the ball of nervousness that left me constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop (e.g. sick, raw, knowing feeling in the pit of your stomach that you have no reason or evidence for but that just keeps hanging around).
In fact, sometimes, I’d work double- time to create situations where the other shoe would drop – just so I could confirm my theory that shoes in fact, do drop!
Sound familiar?
Sigh…Over time, and with much practice, it was with and through Mindfulness meditation that I finally learned how to BE WITH MYSELF. Over time, and with much practice, it was with and through Mindfulness meditation that I finally built experience and confidence in my ability to hold emotions that feel bad in my body.
Wherever You Go, There You Are, gives a relatable and simple method or path towards nurturing a sense of being mind-ful as we go about our daily lives. The author, Dr. Kabat-Zinn is a well-known psychologist and researcher who has successfully studied the use of Mindfulness to manage mental health challenges like depression – particularly treatment-resistant depression.
According to www.goodreads.com this book:
“Speaks both to those coming to meditation for the first time and to long-time practitioners.”
“It’s too much!” or “I can’t take it anymore!”
Over the years as a therapist, I was motivated to explore various forms of meditation to help my clients. For example, Kundalini meditation focuses on moving energy up and out of the body towards the divine.
For me, that type of meditation is sweet, juicy stuff that allows me to briefly take a break from my feelings in the present.
The thing is, that type of meditation was not the path for me to learn how to competently experience and tolerate anxiety as it coursed its way through my body.
The result?
I would feel sweet relief during the meditation; but a rapid return to the ball of nervousness that left me constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop (e.g. sick, raw, knowing feeling in the pit of your stomach that you have no reason or evidence for but that just keeps hanging around).
In fact, sometimes, I’d work double- time to create situations where the other shoe would drop – just so I could confirm my theory that shoes in fact, do drop!
Sound familiar?
Sigh…Over time, and with much practice, it was with and through Mindfulness meditation that I finally learned how to BE WITH MYSELF. Over time, and with much practice, it was with and through Mindfulness meditation that I finally built experience and confidence in my ability to hold emotions that feel bad in my body.
Wherever You Go, There You Are, gives a relatable and simple method or path towards nurturing a sense of being mind-ful as we go about our daily lives. The author, Dr. Kabat-Zinn is a well-known psychologist and researcher who has successfully studied the use of Mindfulness to manage mental health challenges like depression – particularly treatment-resistant depression.
According to www.goodreads.com this book:
“Speaks both to those coming to meditation for the first time and to long-time practitioners.”
Here is an example of a LYING DOWN meditation exercise led by Dr. Kabat-Zinn. Click the link to access it: | |
THE UNTETHERED SOUL – Michael Singer
The first time I saw Michael Singer, he was on an episode of The Oprah Show. He was discussing this book. His words so stirred me that I quickly bought the book.
I can say without equivocation that this is the ONE book that most succinctly described in words the tyranny I had been living through as I experienced my thoughts and feelings in my body. Even better, The Untethered Soul explained HOW to get out of my head and into my body. This is one book I needed to read in slow, focused chunks of time because Singer’s words are so powerful that although it took time to integrate the material, you realize how much you must read every word.
MINDFULNESS IS…
- Mindfulness is about staying with yourself. NOW. ALWAYS. NOW
- Mindfulness is about observing without judgment, your thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they course through you - acknowledging what is happening NOW.
- Mindfulness is about grounding yourself in whatever your present experience is versus jumping out of the experience into panic about the future – or sadness about the past.
- Mindfulness is cultivated by engaging in purposeful acts like focusing on your breath, drawing out your breath, feeling the sensation of the air pass through your nostrils, feeling your emotions in real time without judgment, allowing your thoughts to pass on by, or rest, or whatever – all the while maintaining a sense of compassion for yourself as you remain the Observer of yourself.
The first time I saw Michael Singer, he was on an episode of The Oprah Show. He was discussing this book. His words so stirred me that I quickly bought the book.
I can say without equivocation that this is the ONE book that most succinctly described in words the tyranny I had been living through as I experienced my thoughts and feelings in my body. Even better, The Untethered Soul explained HOW to get out of my head and into my body. This is one book I needed to read in slow, focused chunks of time because Singer’s words are so powerful that although it took time to integrate the material, you realize how much you must read every word.
MINDFULNESS IS…
- Mindfulness is about staying with yourself. NOW. ALWAYS. NOW
- Mindfulness is about observing without judgment, your thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they course through you - acknowledging what is happening NOW.
- Mindfulness is about grounding yourself in whatever your present experience is versus jumping out of the experience into panic about the future – or sadness about the past.
- Mindfulness is cultivated by engaging in purposeful acts like focusing on your breath, drawing out your breath, feeling the sensation of the air pass through your nostrils, feeling your emotions in real time without judgment, allowing your thoughts to pass on by, or rest, or whatever – all the while maintaining a sense of compassion for yourself as you remain the Observer of yourself.
o It NOW! A 7-Step Plan to Break Bad Habits Triphinia Margaret Wallace, Ph.D.
In Do It NOW! Dr. Wallace explains the importance of using the power and energy of the NOW moment to create the life you desire.
After all, NOW is all you always only have…
See more resources from Dr. Wallace at
www.drtriphi.com
Common Bad Habits that Block Success
HOW TO RE-TRAIN YOUR BRAIN FOR SUCCESS
These MENTAL PUSHUPS will strengthen your mimd.
1. Breathe.
When we feel anxious or afraid – a common response to when we feel threatened or challenged, the breath becomes short, shallow, erratic. Think about your breath as if it were a remote control for your brain. Shortness of breath triggers your brain to activate the stress response (fight/flight/freeze). Slow, deep breaths trigger a relaxation response. Do this often to learn how to breathe your way through tough emotions.
DO THIS BREATHING EXERCISE NOW!
Take a few deep breaths all the way into your belly. Intentionally slow down your breath. Imagine you’re stretching it out like a rubber band. Take in as much oxygen as you can all the way into your lower belly.
2. Move Your Body.
Your body goes haywire (stomach hurts, chest tightens up, hands sweat, voice trembles, butterflies in your tummy, throat clogs up, chills, headaches) when you feel stressed. Next time you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, start moving your body to encourage it to shift away from these physiological responses and generate different body sensations that feel less uncomfortable.
Every -BODY - is different. Know How Your Body Responds to Stress. Use Your Body to Help your Brain make an Emotional Shift:
If you’re moving vigorously, your brain will become less likely to focus on your feelings or weird panicky thoughts. The physical movement helps by giving your brain an equally or more compelling task to focus on. Use DISTRACTION intentionally and to your benefit.
3. Think of AT LEAST 3 things to be Grateful For.
Gratitude practice is one of the most effective ways to trigger the release of feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain.
Do this NOW!
Identify and list out loud AT LEAST three (3) things for which you’re grateful. Keep adding…Now write it down!
1._________________________________________________________________________
2._________________________________________________________________________
3._________________________________________________________________________
How do you feel after this GRATITUDE exercise?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Whatever you focus on or give your attention to becomes bigger and more significant in your eyes.
BE COURAGEOUS!
Change is not easy; if it were, so many people wouldn’t be struggling with it.
BE REALISTIC!
Face the facts of your current situation and work within the range of what’s attainable for now.
BE HONEST!
Admit what you’re doing WRONG and CHANGE as necessary.
BE SMART!
Once you learn new and efficient habits, put the on automatic pilot.
In Do It NOW! Dr. Wallace explains the importance of using the power and energy of the NOW moment to create the life you desire.
After all, NOW is all you always only have…
See more resources from Dr. Wallace at
www.drtriphi.com
Common Bad Habits that Block Success
- negative thoughts (I can’t, it’s too much for me, I’m not good enough, I’m unworthy)
- pessimism (looking for the negative and reasons why things will be hard)
- perfectionism (things must be done “right” or just so or it’s imperfect)
- rumination (replaying emotionally charged events over and over in your head)
- procrastination (putting things off due to anxiety, underlying fears, or poor habits)
- self-doubt (little faith in your ability to succeed)
- second-guessing (not trusting your intuition/instincts/knowledge)
- low self-concept (low-self esteem and low opinion of yourself/abilities)
- high emotional reactivity (rapid mood changes)
HOW TO RE-TRAIN YOUR BRAIN FOR SUCCESS
These MENTAL PUSHUPS will strengthen your mimd.
1. Breathe.
When we feel anxious or afraid – a common response to when we feel threatened or challenged, the breath becomes short, shallow, erratic. Think about your breath as if it were a remote control for your brain. Shortness of breath triggers your brain to activate the stress response (fight/flight/freeze). Slow, deep breaths trigger a relaxation response. Do this often to learn how to breathe your way through tough emotions.
DO THIS BREATHING EXERCISE NOW!
Take a few deep breaths all the way into your belly. Intentionally slow down your breath. Imagine you’re stretching it out like a rubber band. Take in as much oxygen as you can all the way into your lower belly.
2. Move Your Body.
Your body goes haywire (stomach hurts, chest tightens up, hands sweat, voice trembles, butterflies in your tummy, throat clogs up, chills, headaches) when you feel stressed. Next time you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, start moving your body to encourage it to shift away from these physiological responses and generate different body sensations that feel less uncomfortable.
Every -BODY - is different. Know How Your Body Responds to Stress. Use Your Body to Help your Brain make an Emotional Shift:
- If you’re sitting, get up and walk around.
- Do 10 pushups.
- Do 10 jumping jacks.
- Yell.
- Jump.
- Punch a bag or pillow.
- Stretch
- Do 10 minutes of yoga
- Take a slow jog
- Do a quick sprint
If you’re moving vigorously, your brain will become less likely to focus on your feelings or weird panicky thoughts. The physical movement helps by giving your brain an equally or more compelling task to focus on. Use DISTRACTION intentionally and to your benefit.
3. Think of AT LEAST 3 things to be Grateful For.
Gratitude practice is one of the most effective ways to trigger the release of feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain.
Do this NOW!
Identify and list out loud AT LEAST three (3) things for which you’re grateful. Keep adding…Now write it down!
1._________________________________________________________________________
2._________________________________________________________________________
3._________________________________________________________________________
How do you feel after this GRATITUDE exercise?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Whatever you focus on or give your attention to becomes bigger and more significant in your eyes.
BE COURAGEOUS!
Change is not easy; if it were, so many people wouldn’t be struggling with it.
BE REALISTIC!
Face the facts of your current situation and work within the range of what’s attainable for now.
BE HONEST!
Admit what you’re doing WRONG and CHANGE as necessary.
BE SMART!
Once you learn new and efficient habits, put the on automatic pilot.
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE – Tara Brach
The small act of paying attention to the present, can help us pull ourselves back from the abyss of emotional and mental terrorism.
I understand that some of your experiences have been so painful that your mind has a really hard time letting go of the injustice of it all. I’m human too, so I have my stories. There have been times after some therapy sessions when the trauma laced in the stories I’ve heard have been so heavy, I have lit candles and prayed for my own salvation!
The thing is, events (traumatic or not) that have already happened – have ALREADY occurred.
They are HISTORY.
They are in the rear-view mirror.
Past events exist on your historical timeline and therefore CANNOT BE CHANGED. What can you do to change the truth or the facts of something that has already occurred?
Nothing. Regardless of your thoughts or feelings about it, you can’t change the facts of history.
What then?
The answer ... Acceptance.
Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance, encourages that you do just that – ACCEPT things for what they are – as they are. That means we must appreciate that even if we reject the fact that these things might have happened, we ACCEPT the reality that these events have transpired, or we accept that what is in front of us, is what is in front of us. We avoid the trap of fantasy and we live in the present.
You get to radically accept your ability to choose what you focus so that you can enjoy the sweetness of life – NOW.
It’s a realistic choice. And it’s yours to make.
The small act of paying attention to the present, can help us pull ourselves back from the abyss of emotional and mental terrorism.
I understand that some of your experiences have been so painful that your mind has a really hard time letting go of the injustice of it all. I’m human too, so I have my stories. There have been times after some therapy sessions when the trauma laced in the stories I’ve heard have been so heavy, I have lit candles and prayed for my own salvation!
The thing is, events (traumatic or not) that have already happened – have ALREADY occurred.
They are HISTORY.
They are in the rear-view mirror.
Past events exist on your historical timeline and therefore CANNOT BE CHANGED. What can you do to change the truth or the facts of something that has already occurred?
Nothing. Regardless of your thoughts or feelings about it, you can’t change the facts of history.
What then?
The answer ... Acceptance.
Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance, encourages that you do just that – ACCEPT things for what they are – as they are. That means we must appreciate that even if we reject the fact that these things might have happened, we ACCEPT the reality that these events have transpired, or we accept that what is in front of us, is what is in front of us. We avoid the trap of fantasy and we live in the present.
You get to radically accept your ability to choose what you focus so that you can enjoy the sweetness of life – NOW.
It’s a realistic choice. And it’s yours to make.
ADDITIONAL MINDFULNESS RESOURCES
https://mindfulnessexercises.com/free-guided-meditations-mindfulness-talks/
offers countless mindfulness meditation resources including FREE meditations on numerous topics including
- Emotional Chaos to Clarity
- Deep Relaxation for Sleep
- Everybody’s Crazy
- Developing Compassion
- Coming to Your Senses
- Commitment, Attachment and Love
When you remember to use the NOW mindset, this will lessen the feeling inside that you have somehow failed yourself. That’s important because worrying about what isn’t yet, agonizing over what might never be, or regretting what’s already come and gone will not change your reality. Thus, it is an inefficient way to use your creative energy.
How so?
- Well, for one, regardless of how perfectly we plan, how often does life ever unfold exactly as we imagined or envisioned?
What if you CHOOSE to view all you’ve experienced up to this moment as a painting that can’t be erased?
Here’s something that works for me
When my mind becomes stuck, reminding myself of these TWO FACTs helps:
- I cannot rewrite history – the PAST IS NEVER COMING BACK
or
- I have no way to guarantee how the future will play out that
Ruminating on your failures can be addictive, but it’s utterly useless except if you’re doing an assessment to identify the LESSON and ways you can do it better with the next opportunity.
Some of us indulge in feeling bad because it makes us feel special. In Psychology, this phenomenon is called secondary gain.
Remember how your parents gave you that extra rub, that extra hug or extra kiss when you got sick? Its’ something like that. Some of us think that one way to get extra attention or love from people around us is to complain so they can be triggered to “help us” feel better.
Try this instead – HELP YOURSELF!
2 Quick Tips to Break a Rumination Cycle
1. Accept your reality
2. Take a POSITIVE ACTION!
https://mindfulnessexercises.com/free-guided-meditations-mindfulness-talks/
offers countless mindfulness meditation resources including FREE meditations on numerous topics including
- Emotional Chaos to Clarity
- Deep Relaxation for Sleep
- Everybody’s Crazy
- Developing Compassion
- Coming to Your Senses
- Commitment, Attachment and Love
When you remember to use the NOW mindset, this will lessen the feeling inside that you have somehow failed yourself. That’s important because worrying about what isn’t yet, agonizing over what might never be, or regretting what’s already come and gone will not change your reality. Thus, it is an inefficient way to use your creative energy.
How so?
- Well, for one, regardless of how perfectly we plan, how often does life ever unfold exactly as we imagined or envisioned?
What if you CHOOSE to view all you’ve experienced up to this moment as a painting that can’t be erased?
Here’s something that works for me
When my mind becomes stuck, reminding myself of these TWO FACTs helps:
- I cannot rewrite history – the PAST IS NEVER COMING BACK
or
- I have no way to guarantee how the future will play out that
Ruminating on your failures can be addictive, but it’s utterly useless except if you’re doing an assessment to identify the LESSON and ways you can do it better with the next opportunity.
Some of us indulge in feeling bad because it makes us feel special. In Psychology, this phenomenon is called secondary gain.
Remember how your parents gave you that extra rub, that extra hug or extra kiss when you got sick? Its’ something like that. Some of us think that one way to get extra attention or love from people around us is to complain so they can be triggered to “help us” feel better.
Try this instead – HELP YOURSELF!
2 Quick Tips to Break a Rumination Cycle
1. Accept your reality
2. Take a POSITIVE ACTION!
Finally,
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS TO MEASURE GAINS AND IDENTIFY LESSONS
Journal your thoughts and create your own affirmations to help you as you meditate on some of the ideas that resonate from this post.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Consider using the Do It NOW! Workbook/Journal to help you practice breaking unhelpful thought patterns and bad habits that have blocked your progress up to this point. Available for purchase on this site and at www.amazon.com
Do It NOW!
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS TO MEASURE GAINS AND IDENTIFY LESSONS
Journal your thoughts and create your own affirmations to help you as you meditate on some of the ideas that resonate from this post.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Consider using the Do It NOW! Workbook/Journal to help you practice breaking unhelpful thought patterns and bad habits that have blocked your progress up to this point. Available for purchase on this site and at www.amazon.com
Do It NOW!
Author
Dr. Triphinia “Triphi” Margaret Wallace is a Licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Reiki Level III practitioner in the Usui tradition. After over twenty-two years in clinical practice, Dr. Wallace has developed a neuro-psycho-spiritual approach to her practice that is grounded in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Neuroscience, Creole Psychology, and Psycho-spiritual techniques such as Hypnotherapy, Mindfulness/Meditation, and Reiki. Dr. Triphi graduated from Fielding Graduate University in Santa Barbara, California and the University of Mississippi (Ole Miss). Her published academic works include a doctoral dissertation on the association among problem-solving appraisal, hopelessness, and suicide among low-income, African American women, and co-authored peer-reviewed articles on the relation between alcohol use and intimate partner violence, and the utilization of routine health screenings in the diagnosis of depression among African American adolescent males. Dr. Triphi published her first book, Do It NOW! A 7-Step Plan to Beat Bad Habits that Block Success in February 2018. In November of 2018, her second book; a companion workbook/journal called, Do It NOW Workbook/Journal: Powerful Exercises to Fix Bad Habits that Block Success, was released. Dr. Triphi regularly volunteers with the Red Cross conducting pre- and post-deployment reconnection and resiliency workshops with active, disabled, and retired military service members and their families. Most who know her describe Dr. Triphi as an empathetic practitioner, and an engaging presenter with a ready smile who receives rave reviews from those who listen to her teach.
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