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Think better. Feel better. Do better.
LOVE IN THE DIGITAL ERA With the advent of social media, dating apps, millionaire matchmakers and the like, it seems as if the waters of the Red Sea of Love have parted. Admit it. Even if you still feel “weird” or “some type of way” about looking for love online, you know the truth. Sure, it would be so sweet if you could tell Dad you bumped into your soulmate in the meat aisle at the grocery store. Realistically, you also know that finding love can be a numbers game – and that you've literally got to be in it to win it. Here's the thing - ONLINE DATING is here to stay - and it's perfectly fine. With that being the case, you better learn to do it better! I’m talking mostly to the sisters (women) here with this. Used to be women would get to be “of a certain age” and if you missed The Loveboat, you’d have to settle for your three cats and crocheting doilies.  Cats are cute and all, but move over, #caturday! Nowadays, with a few clicks, the digital world is allowing you the time, freedom, and latitude, to type in all of your requirements for that errant soulmate. A not-so-few bathroom-mirror selfies later, BOOM! Profile's done. You're love-surfing. Time to start waiting; nervously excited with heart racing like a kid in a candy story for your first Favorite or Like from BigHeartedJoe69. Exciting stuff. Potentially, anyway.  HEARTPROOFING Most things in life are like the two sides of a coin. Riding alongside the hopes of True Love gallops the sidekick, Serious Heartbreak. The psychological validation and immense pleasures we get from attachment are enormously satisfying; some might argue – addictive. We brave the ecstasy of love, but it can also be a major source of suffering. Internet dating can be especially tricky. You can fall in love fast! New research is showing that the anonymity of the internet facilitates the ability to quickly open up and even bond with a stranger long before you even see much less smell someone in person. John Suler, author of Psychology in Cyberspace, writes, “Many believe exploring love on the internet allows them to more directly encounter the heart, mind, and soul of the other” than dating in person. But the pain from breaking up from a digitally based relationship or online-initiated relationship does not go away as quickly as it starts - nor is it any less painful. RISKS OF ONLINE BONDING Bonding too soon to anyone new that you can't see means you're open to liars and scammers. * Bonding too soon to charming crooks and criminals who start asking you for money once they think they’ve got you emotionally lassoed. RED FLAG! Ladies, in case your Mama never warned you, please keep your pocketbooks zipped until you’re in a committed relationship. You DO NOT, I repeat, You DO NOT! want to be the confused-looking lady on Dr. Phil's Thursday show, talking about how you willingly MoneyGrammed half of your life savings away to ANYBODY! #SAD! I don't care how desperate their plight. If they're that desperate, that just might not be your man, honey. You're looking for a mate, not a patient! Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do and Staying Married and Loving It, advises anyone who feels they are the feminine energy of a relationship dynamic to remember that prior to a stated commitment between a couple, the feminine person is being COURTED! I wholeheartedly agree. A gentleman interested in courting you (IMHO) is one who invites you out and willingly pays for dinner. Period. * Bonding too soon to catfishers (fake matches and sad, unhappy people who try to get people hooked into them because they are personality-disordered or just for the heck of it). * Bonding too soon to people you might not be chemically compatible with (e.g., you fall in love over the internet, but they have smelly pits and gross you out in person or you feel no attraction for them when you finally meet). Perhaps his 62-year old self forgot to tell you his profile pic was from college. * Bonding too soon to scalawags who’re just on the web to play and who ghost you just as you start liking them. You know, those hummingbird types that like to take a peck here and another peck there, here a peck, there a peck, everywhere a peck-peck… 
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AuthorDr. Triphinia “Triphi” Margaret Wallace is a Licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Reiki Level III practitioner in the Usui tradition. After over twenty-two years in clinical practice, Dr. Wallace has developed a neuro-psycho-spiritual approach to her practice that is grounded in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Neuroscience, Creole Psychology, and Psycho-spiritual techniques such as Hypnotherapy, Mindfulness/Meditation, and Reiki. Dr. Triphi graduated from Fielding Graduate University in Santa Barbara, California and the University of Mississippi (Ole Miss). Her published academic works include a doctoral dissertation on the association among problem-solving appraisal, hopelessness, and suicide among low-income, African American women, and co-authored peer-reviewed articles on the relation between alcohol use and intimate partner violence, and the utilization of routine health screenings in the diagnosis of depression among African American adolescent males. Dr. Triphi published her first book, Do It NOW! A 7-Step Plan to Beat Bad Habits that Block Success in February 2018. In November of 2018, her second book; a companion workbook/journal called, Do It NOW Workbook/Journal: Powerful Exercises to Fix Bad Habits that Block Success, was released. Dr. Triphi regularly volunteers with the Red Cross conducting pre- and post-deployment reconnection and resiliency workshops with active, disabled, and retired military service members and their families. Most who know her describe Dr. Triphi as an empathetic practitioner, and an engaging presenter with a ready smile who receives rave reviews from those who listen to her teach. Archives
March 2021
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